The week before spring break one of my work buddies stopped by my room and asked me about my vacation plans. I rattled off what I thought was a rather impressive to do list and he responded with a frown. “You know,” he said, “you could just relax.” I had a good hard laugh and then I realized that he was serious.
To be honest, I am not sure exactly what it means to “relax” for any amount of time longer than an hour or so, therefore vacations with lots of down time kind of make me feel a little uneasy. I’m not saying that I don’t chill from time to time, I do, but not without doing something constructive before and after. I have been this way since birth so perhaps its in the genes. Mom says that even as a small child I was always busy. One of my earliest memories consists of organizing my stuffed animals on my bed. Every one of them had a special spot and I knew if they had been moved. Sick, I know, but workaholism and perfectionism are two sides of the same coin.
The problem with workaholism and perfectionism is that the two breed and give birth to some nasty offspring like irritability, anger, frustration, anxiety, moodiness and even depression. Worst of all they have the tendency to divert your focus to things that are temporary and irrelevant. I tell my students that perfectionism is highly overrated. I believe that with my whole heart but I also have a really tough time reeling it in sometimes, so I know exactly what they are going through.
One of my greatest issues is that I tend to put work first no matter what. I don’t set out to do that but I am a very driven individual and sometimes that drive gets in the way of my relationships and well, everything else if I’m not careful. It is something that I must keep in constant check. My father told me once that the one thing in his life he regretted most was not being around as much when we were kids. I have never forgotten that. He is a wonderful worker and when he has a job to do he does it well and gives it everything he has. I have always admired that work ethic and I hope that I have inherited some of it. I would hope though that I have inherited something else as well, the ability to realize what is really important in this life. Therefore, for my next pay it forward project I am going to do something I have not done in a very long time. I am going to take some time off with my family in which I am completely and totally here instead of what I usually do, look tuned in while my brain is working on my next to do list. For the next few days I am going to strive to be totally and completely present. I am going to have some real conversations instead of the usual small talk. I am going to give real, heart felt compliments instead of quick blurbs. I am going to really look at loved ones, really hear them, really be with them in a more focused way than I have ever done before, if only for a little while. We will all go back to work and school next week and the world will close in again, but for a couple days I am going to make a few memories and forget about the responsibilities of life for a spell.
May I put aside the work, the perfectionism, and my other baggage long enough to show my family how truly grateful I am for their presence in my lives. I will never be the same because of these crazy, insane, wonderful people and for that, I thank God.
Laurie
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