I Choose You, Again

      Sometimes in life when you have been married for what seems like the better part of your existence it pays to take a step back and reexamine where you have been, where you are and where you are going. Michael and I have recently found ourselves in that very place.

      I am a bit of a workaholic and he is a sweet, laid back man that would rather have a root canal than talk about his feelings. That is until recently. As a couple we found ourselves in the land of mediocrity, of just good enough, of "I guess this will do." That sense of OKness as I call it lulled us into a bit of a rut. Fortunately, we were somehow able to fight our way out and redefine what was once and has become yet again, a truly beautiful relationship.

      The first step of working our way out of the rut was redefining our priorities. We took a good hard look at what we value, what are goals are and whether or not our actions and our daily routines reflected those beliefs. In my case, I am sorry to say they did not. So I did a thorough overhaul on my schedule to better suit my priorities. I have struggled with this before and continued to back slide until this summer. I think I may have finally got it right. (Raps loudly on wood.) Following his lead, I made my husband and our relationship the priority and that has made all the difference.

      When someone loves you completely and unconditionally it drastically changes the way you respond to them. When they make you the priority, it makes you want to do the exact same thing. It opens up a whole new world of what a marriage could be.

      Now this new outlook has created a bit of confusion for our children who look as us through the eyes of adolescence and wonder out loud what in the world is wrong with us and why we act so weird. There are the inevitable sounds of "Ew gross" when we hug or kiss in front of them and the somewhat less charming "Get a room, geez" from our delightful 18 year old. You see our kids have always been our top priority and now that the emphasis has shifted to our relationship they have a little adapting to do, and that's ok, because the best thing any parent can do for their kids is model how to be in a loving, stable relationship. We have both been guilty of letting other things, mainly life, come between us and now we are more committed than ever at correcting that obvious fault, whether the kids like it or not.

      So in that vein, this week my random act of kindness took the form of a long overdue love letter to my one and only. It is my way of recommitting myself to him for another 22+ years or so. Here's a few of my corny lines:

      "I adore and love you but I realize now that these are sentiments I do not share with you often enough. So this is my feeble attempt at showing you my heart and all those places in it that I feel safer having hidden.

      In this marriage you have become my strength, my joy and my source of inspiration. You are my rock, my safe place to fall and my security in an otherwise shaky and ridiculous world.

      When I am in your arms I feel completely and totally loved, accepted and fulfilled. You are always in my corner and the battles I fight are no longer my battles but our battles. Through your hard work, patience and dedication, you have taken our relationship to another level, one that I never would have dreamed possible. Thanks for not giving up, for never quitting and for working so hard. Thanks for your eternal patience, kindness and relentless love, even when I was anything but lovable. I want to be someone worthy of the kind of devotion and commitment that you have so selflessly shown. Most of all, I want to love you as completely, honestly and deeply as you have me.

      So from this point forward, I give you nothing less than my whole heart and when my heart deceives me I give you my commitment and dedication. I choose you now and during those tough and sometimes ugly times, I choose you again. During sad and dark days, I choose you. During pain and defeat, I choose you. During joy, happiness and delight, I choose you. For life's adventures both big and small, I choose you. As my husband, my completion, my soul mate, I choose you and for the rest of my life, I choose to be your wife and to love you, always."

      I am thankful for love in my life and for the ability to choose it everyday!

Laurie

                                                   

Take Care of One Another

      The other day we were visiting family in a different city and my husband, my son and I made a trip to a local department store. We were chatting it up as we walked through the parking lot, lost in our own little world, discussing what we needed to buy and rambling on about our trip. We hardly noticed the old man on the ground in the parking lot next to his car parked directly in front of the store. I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and saw what I thought was a man bending down to retrieve something he had dropped. I continued on into the store when something made me turn around and look again. This time I was certain, the old man wasn't just trying to get something, he was trying to get up. I called Michael over and told him that I thought the old man was in trouble. Michael ran out the door and to his side. They spoke and Michael picked him up as easily as if he were a sack of potatoes and helped him into his car. Michael smiled his award winning smile and jogged back inside. "Yep," he said, "he was stuck. He tried to pick up something he dropped and fell. He just couldn't get back up on his own. Good thing you sent me over there." Then, just like that, Michael was over looking at swim trunks. Crisis averted.

      Then that same afternoon, we caught an early movie. As soon as the movie ended, I made a quick detour to the ladies room. When I returned, I found Michael right smack in the middle of a heated argument between a young girl (probably twenty something) and an older lady (70ish I'd say). Apparently, the old lady had kicked the girl's seat because she got out her cell phone near the end of the movie. She must have smacked it pretty hard too, given the red face the young lady was wearing. They were knee deep in their war of words when the men with the ladies started to exchange words and there was Michael directly between them, both arms out telling them to calm down. Michael quietly told the gentlemen that a fight between the young man and the elderly one just wasn't going to happen and they backed apart, thank goodness. That didn't slow down the women though, both refused to yield. Michael stayed planted between them until they decided that they had enough and moved on. Afterwards I grabbed Michael and asked him why on earth he decided to get involved. He said, "There was no way I was going to let that young girl hit that old lady. She could have really hurt her." To this I responded, "But why was it your problem?" "It wasn't," he said. "It just wasn't right and nobody else was stopping it, so I did." Then in typical Michael style, not another word was said about it. That was that. Crisis averted.

      Now I should mention that there were other people, lots of other people, in that department store parking lot that day that walked right past that man on the ground and there were dozens at the movie theater including a rather nervous looking theater manager that dismissed the event as none of their business. I couldn't help but wonder what might have happened to those people had Michael chosen not to get involved. For that matter, what if we all just stopped caring? What if everyone decided that it was someone else's problem? It is easier and probably safer at times not to get involved but does that make it right?

      Easter is a time of sacrifice and love. Perhaps the best way to honor that sentiment is to live it, everyday, the best way we can. Love freely, help out when we can, and take care of one another. It sounds so simple but it can have a profound effect on your life and the lives of those around you. 

Happy Easter to all my peeps!  :)

Laurie

      

Nothing Great Gets Done Alone

      I just recently completed my masters degree in history. It was a grueling ride. It took four years to get there, one challenging class at a time. I had a great deal of things vying for my attention besides the ever present school work. There was the day job, the part time work and the endless stream of laundry. I'd like to be able to say that I maintained at least marginal cleanliness and order during my ordeal but let's face it, that would be a lie. I made peace with the dust bunnies and chose to ignore the mountains of paperwork and piles of clutter accumulating in the corner. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Through the chaos there were tears, laughter and the occasional panic attack. Looking back now, I can safely say that it was worth it.

      I learned a great deal from this experience. I became fluent in the unnatural language of "scholarly journals" which I believe rank right up there among the most difficult dialects in the world to decipher.  I learned that a sense of humor is not always appreciated by the intellectuals that make up the world of academia. My colleagues were all business the majority of the time but when they did cut loose they had the ability to unveil a whole other level of funny. (Think Big Bang Theory on steroids.) I finally acquired the fine art of gathering pertinent information without reading every single word of the text. I learned that grammar actually had the nerve to change over the past twenty years. (Really? I didn't even know that was possible!) I discovered that you are never too old to learn, grow or dream. I learned that sometimes the best students are the old folks and most importantly I figured out that any great accomplishment is never achieved alone.

     Epaminondas could never have beaten the mighty Spartans without the help of his Sacred Band. Justinian would never have enjoyed his prosperous career as a Byzantine Emperor had it not been for the bravery and tenacity of his wife, Theodora and I could have never, ever completed this masters without the help of my wonderful husband, patient children and loving parents.

      Michael and I have been married for twenty one years. Not bad considering that both of us had some pretty serious commitment issues prior to getting together. One thing that has remained consistent throughout our marriage is that we always have each other's back, no matter what. When he wanted to go into physical education, I encouraged him and when I decided at thirty to go back to school and get an interior design degree, he returned the favor. Oh we have our disagreements and we have had our share of ups and downs like any couple but we always seem to meet somewhere in the middle. I am fortunate to have such a wonderful man in my life and for this weeks pay it forward I am going to do something that I know will make him deliriously happy. That's right, I am going to clean out the garage!

      The current state of our house resembles a disorderly war zone. There just has not been any time to do the things that need done. Michael has always wanted a work area in the garage but that has been impossible due to the junk that we, well mostly I, have accumulated over the years. It is so bad that every time we try to organize the garage we end up with so much stuff in the driveway that folks start slowing down to see if we are having a yard sale. So I am going to devote at least a couple of hours every week to working on the garage as my thank you gift to Michael for all his patience and help over the past few years and I figure by this time next year I should have the job completed. ;) In addition I am going to make sure that he knows just how much I value his loyalty, strength, devotion, patience and unconditional love. Michael remains one of the finest gifts of my life. He is all I could have ever hoped for and much, much more. How lucky I am to have been so blessed!

Laurie

"Floor Watchers"

      We have a mentor program at our school. It is an awesome program charged with the task of equipping students with what they need to not only stay in school but to thrive. It is one of the most rewarding things I have ever been a part of. Basically my colleagues and I look at children we think might be at high risk for failure due to a variety of reasons. Some might need tutoring, many have attendance issues, a few have trouble socially, and others might be going through a rough patch at home. Whatever the cause, the mentor's job is to let the student know that there are people who care about them and want to help them succeed by giving them the tools to grow, change or adapt.

      I will never forget one of my favorite mentees. He was in seventh grade when I first met him and he was what I call a "floor watcher." This child was so shy that he walked through the halls trying to be invisible, trying so desperately to blend into his environment so that he might not be singled out or embarrassed. He mistakenly thought that he had nothing to offer, that his opinion was worthless and that his only reason for living was for the cruel amusement of his peers who liked to call him creepy or weird.

      My husband works in the PE department in the same school as I do. He has a unique way of evaluating his students at the beginning of each new semester. It involves a simple game of dodgeball. The kids love dodgeball and I can certainly see why. Talk about a way to relieve stress! Nothing like pelting a ball at someone who has been giving you a hard time all week to put a smile on your face. Now these balls are specially made for the sport and are extremely soft so there is no real harm done. I think it is just the simple fact that you get to toss a ball at a fellow peer and not get in trouble. Hmm, maybe I should join a dodgeball league. :) Anyway, Michael has the kids play the game at the end of the first full week of school so he can see what kind of people they are. Michael says that nothing tells you more about a person's character than a good game of dodgeball because it's what you do when you think no one is watching that really matters. You see if a kid gets hit with a dodgeball he is suppose to sit down, but many students will take a few quick glances around to see if anyone saw them get hit before they decide whether to keep playing and see if they can get away with it or sit down and play fair. Now these kids think that no one is really paying attention, but after a decade or so of teaching, Michael and the rest of the PE staff are trained to see out of the back of their heads, corner of their eyes and upside down if need be and you can be sure that they know when a kid gets hit. They all watch to see if he/she sits down, not so they can correct them but because it tells them so much about the child's character.

      Michael came to me one day with a name for the mentee list. He told me that he wanted to take on my "floor watcher" as a special project. "This boy," he said, "could be a great athlete if he could only get his confidence up. He is a good kid," Michael told me. "He just needs some encouragement. He is in your art class, would you keep an eye on him and work on his self esteem a bit if you get the chance?" I nodded, "Sure," I said. "In the meantime," Michael went on, "I am going to see if I can get him interested in football. This kid really needs something that he can be good at and he is as strong as an ox. I think he will make a great football player." I stopped him as he was leaving. "Hey," I said. "Did he pass the dodgeball test?" Michael grinned. "With flying colors."

      So Michael set about working on his project. He got the boy in the weight room and watched as he quickly and quietly excelled. He got him on the football field as well and let's just say he had found his sport! He loved the game and slowly, carefully with the coaches constant encouragement, he began to come out of his shell.

      I can remember the first time I saw him his eighth grade year. Weight training combined with a good little growth spurt had transformed this once shy, awkward "floor watcher" into a confident and strong young man, but the thing that really stood out for me was the way in which he carried himself. He walked into my class that semester with his head held high. My heart jumped for joy! What a difference a year had made! Actually what a difference a year, lots of food, some hard lifting and an inspirational coach had made. :) Somewhere near the end of his eighth grade football season this boy's dad who was so proud of his son's success, found Michael and thanked him for what he had done for his child. He told him how glad he was that Michael had talked him into playing football and how much it had helped his son's self esteem.

      Michael and I ran into this young man a year or so ago and he was working his way through college. You could tell by the way that he talked with the people he was working with that he was a different kid than the one I remembered all those years ago in seventh grade. He was bright, talkative, almost outgoing even and extremely glad to see his middle school football coach. He had continued with football in high school and was very successful. It gave him an automatic peer group and helped to keep him on the right track. And to think that he might never have even tried the sport if not for the coaxing of one persistent PE coach that took a special interest in him.

      Michael and I recall that story from time to time to remind ourselves why we do what we do. So many other jobs pay more financially but this job has it's own form of currency. We get paid every time a kid makes it by beating the odds, developing his self esteem, or by discovering his true value. It's a good pay check and although it might not buy me a new car, it pays pretty well.

      For this weeks pay it forward project I decided it was time to recommit to my mentees this semester. While I have done my best to check in on them, I have not taken it to the level that Michael did with his special project. I have been so busy with all of the regular classroom stuff. Sometimes it is easy to forget why I'm really here. I need to go the extra mile because I think about what might have become of that boy if Michael had not taken the time to really encourage him. I shudder to think that this talented, bright young man might still be a "floor watcher" and what a horrible waste that would have been. So this week I'm on the prowl for "floor watchers." Time to seek one out,  dust 'em off and help them discover some hidden talent. I am long over due for another good pay day!

Laurie