Nothing Great Gets Done Alone

      I just recently completed my masters degree in history. It was a grueling ride. It took four years to get there, one challenging class at a time. I had a great deal of things vying for my attention besides the ever present school work. There was the day job, the part time work and the endless stream of laundry. I'd like to be able to say that I maintained at least marginal cleanliness and order during my ordeal but let's face it, that would be a lie. I made peace with the dust bunnies and chose to ignore the mountains of paperwork and piles of clutter accumulating in the corner. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Through the chaos there were tears, laughter and the occasional panic attack. Looking back now, I can safely say that it was worth it.

      I learned a great deal from this experience. I became fluent in the unnatural language of "scholarly journals" which I believe rank right up there among the most difficult dialects in the world to decipher.  I learned that a sense of humor is not always appreciated by the intellectuals that make up the world of academia. My colleagues were all business the majority of the time but when they did cut loose they had the ability to unveil a whole other level of funny. (Think Big Bang Theory on steroids.) I finally acquired the fine art of gathering pertinent information without reading every single word of the text. I learned that grammar actually had the nerve to change over the past twenty years. (Really? I didn't even know that was possible!) I discovered that you are never too old to learn, grow or dream. I learned that sometimes the best students are the old folks and most importantly I figured out that any great accomplishment is never achieved alone.

     Epaminondas could never have beaten the mighty Spartans without the help of his Sacred Band. Justinian would never have enjoyed his prosperous career as a Byzantine Emperor had it not been for the bravery and tenacity of his wife, Theodora and I could have never, ever completed this masters without the help of my wonderful husband, patient children and loving parents.

      Michael and I have been married for twenty one years. Not bad considering that both of us had some pretty serious commitment issues prior to getting together. One thing that has remained consistent throughout our marriage is that we always have each other's back, no matter what. When he wanted to go into physical education, I encouraged him and when I decided at thirty to go back to school and get an interior design degree, he returned the favor. Oh we have our disagreements and we have had our share of ups and downs like any couple but we always seem to meet somewhere in the middle. I am fortunate to have such a wonderful man in my life and for this weeks pay it forward I am going to do something that I know will make him deliriously happy. That's right, I am going to clean out the garage!

      The current state of our house resembles a disorderly war zone. There just has not been any time to do the things that need done. Michael has always wanted a work area in the garage but that has been impossible due to the junk that we, well mostly I, have accumulated over the years. It is so bad that every time we try to organize the garage we end up with so much stuff in the driveway that folks start slowing down to see if we are having a yard sale. So I am going to devote at least a couple of hours every week to working on the garage as my thank you gift to Michael for all his patience and help over the past few years and I figure by this time next year I should have the job completed. ;) In addition I am going to make sure that he knows just how much I value his loyalty, strength, devotion, patience and unconditional love. Michael remains one of the finest gifts of my life. He is all I could have ever hoped for and much, much more. How lucky I am to have been so blessed!

Laurie

Thank You

      One of the most rewarding groups that I have ever had the opportunity of working with are the Junior Civitans. These kids vary in age from eleven to fourteen. They have yet to earn a drivers license, pay taxes or vote and they have to ask permission just to leave the house, but they are making more of a difference in their community than many people twice their age. These kids organize and participate in school-wide service projects all year long. They work tirelessly in a yearly canned food drive to help replenish the local food pantry in town, they collect toys to donate to toys for tots every Christmas and they help pick up trash on school grounds and around the neighborhood. Their enthusiasm, positive attitudes and energy levels never cease to amaze me.

      The Jr. Civs are extremely excited about their current service project which involves creating care packages for deployed marines. This is especially important to them as many of their parents are currently serving in the armed forces and many have family members that are deployed right now. Our group adopted a unit that just recently left for Afghanistan. The kids obtained a wish list of items that these marines would appreciate. Their requests were very basic and simple: toiletries, pens, instant coffee, snacks, magazines, etc. I looked at their humble list and thought “Wow, we can do this.” 

      I wanted to help my kids jump start their campaign so I announced the project to each of my classes. I wasn’t expecting much, maybe a half hearted response at best.  To my surprise I had an adorable sixth grader drag two huge bags of donations to my classroom yesterday. She told me that her Daddy really liked getting care packages when he was deployed so her family went out over the weekend and got all of this stuff to help someone else. Now I don’t know her Daddy or her Mommy for that matter, but I like them already. My Jr. Civs members were delighted! They set about boxing up the items and discussed what else they could add. They began making thank you cards for the marines and telling them why they are so grateful for their service. 

      Their project got me thinking about what I would say to the marines in that unit if I got the chance. So I figured for this week’s pay it forward project, I’d do just that. Thank a marine. Here’s what my card says:

 Dear Marine, 

Thank you so much for the incredible job that you do!

Thank you for sacrificing so much for someone like me that you don’t even know. 

Thank you for doing your job even though that means leaving the common comforts of home on a regular basis.

Thank you for withstanding hours upon hours of loneliness, isolation and separation so that my family can enjoy the simple luxury of being together.

Thank you for missing milestones in your children’s lives so that all our kids can live in a world of infinite opportunities. 

Thank you for enduring physical and psychological pain that I could never understand or bear.

Because of you, I sleep easy. 

Because of you, I have the opportunity to enjoy my life in a country that I love. 

Because of you, I know my children have a secure and bright future. 

Because of you, I know freedoms that many women only dream of. 

Because of your sacrifices, your strength and your commitment, I have hope. 

So keep doing what you are doing marine. You will always have someone praying for you back here in Havelock. May God bless and keep you. Stay safe and strong. 

Laurie

The Least I Can Do

If Alzheimer’s Disease were a human it would most likely resemble a malicious thief cloaked in black with an evil glare and a wicked grin. Once he gains entry into your world he does not go for the usual bait. He has no interest in the flat screen TV, the expensive laptop or even the diamond necklace. This villain goes after the real treasure, that which you hold near and dear to your heart, the most valuable of possessions, your memories.

It seems so unfair. My grandmother, Marianna Naylor, spent a lifetime putting everyone else first. She is a wonderful woman. In her youth she played basketball and a mean round of golf. Her grandkids called her lead foot because we knew that when you rode with Nana you were gonna get there in a hurry. This was one busy lady and she did not have time to fool around. When she got behind the wheel she thought she was Mario Andretti and she was going to get from point A to point B without wasting one precious second. I LOVED her car rides! On those back country roads, it was the next best thing to a roller coaster! :)

My grandfather died when Nana was in her forties. She eventually remarried. Her second husband Bill lost his first wife to cancer. They had one son Billy, who was severely mentally disabled. He lived in a school geared toward dealing with his disabilities most of his life. He would come home for breaks throughout the year during holidays and in the summer. Billy was unable to do much of anything without assistance. So Nana, being the type of person that she was, would bath him, dress him, feed him and care for him whenever he was home. Truth be told she spoiled him a bit too. The two things in this world that Billy liked best were ice cream and listening to his records. Billy was unable to talk but that didn’t mean that he could not communicate. He would slap his leg repeatedly to express his approval or excitement. He would look away to tell you no. I remember Nana asking him if he would like some ice cream and he would respond with a big smile and multiple thigh slaps. Even after Bill died, Nana still continued to visit and care for Billy. I remember as a young, clueless teenager asking her once why she felt so guilty about not getting to see him as often as she did. “He isn’t even yours, Nana.” I said. She told me that his mother was a lovely person and if something had happened to her she would want someone to take care of her children for her. “It’s the least I can do, Laurie” she said. It never even occurred to her not to love him as her own.

Nana was a lady that believed in giving back. I remember her working with the civic club each year around Autumn Glory. That was a big festival in her hometown and she almost always spent it working or helping out in some way. Every year she would make the long trip down off the mountain to go and peel apples for the Apple Harvest Festival to benefit the Methodist Children’s Home in Burlington, WV. She was always busy with her church and she never hesitated to help out someone in need. Nana was a good friend not only to the women that she knew her whole life but to me. She was the one person I knew growing up, that I could tell anything in the world to. There were many times that I bared my soul on her back porch over some cookies and a glass of milk. She would listen carefully and offer up little gems of wisdom that I was usually too stubborn to follow. Still, she had her little victories. There were many stupid mistakes that she kept me from making. Many wrong paths that she helped me avoid. She guided me in a remarkably kind, caring, almost passive way. Heck, that’s probably why I listened to her. She never judged me or anyone else. She was and still is my hero. 

I don’t get to see my Nana as often as I would like. Her time is split between my aunt’s house in Atlanta and my parent's home in Maryland. I try to write or call as often as I can but talking to her sometimes is heartbreaking. Nana has Alzheimer’s and it is slowly taking her away. She still knows who I am but she forgets my children’s names. She will ask me the same question about how old they are and what grade they are in several times in the same conversation. She gets increasingly frustrated with not being able to remember things and her sentences are starting to become confused and somewhat garbled. Seeing someone as beautiful inside and out as my dear grandmother succumb to this ghastly disease seems so completely unjust and wrong. I was praying (whining would be a better word) about it to God the other day when it hit me. Nana may have Alzheimer’s but she also has two devoted daughters at her side to care for her. She is surrounded by family and loved ones and that is a huge blessing. I have to believe that God has and will continue to look out for my Nana not just because of all the good she has done in her lifetime but because of the kind of God that He is. Nana has spent a lifetime planting seed and one day, I know she will be in a place where she will be able to reap what she has sown. Where her good deeds will shine like stars in the night sky and the selfless love that she has shown will be celebrated and more importantly remembered.

I want to cherish every moment I get with my grandmother so for this week’s pay it forward I am going to get pictures of my family developed weekly to send to her with brief descriptions of who and what is going on in the photo. Hopefully it will make help her feel more involved and when she is having a bad day maybe it will help to jar her memory. I love her so much. She has taught me more than she will ever know and if she asks me why I’m doing this, I’ll tell her “It’s the least I can do, Nana.” 

Laurie  

If I Had It To Do Again

      Regret. It's an ugly word. I guess everybody has some of it if they are completely honest. I know there are a few decisions in my life that I would love to have back. For starters, I would have taken the check oil light way more seriously when it came on instead of continuing along on my all day shopping trip. I would never have cut my hair as short as I did when I was pregnant with Colton and I definitely would have taken a little more time getting dressed on the morning that I showed up late to work at Virginia Power with the back of my skirt unzipped. Most importantly, I would have double checked how to properly say the word "rabbit" in Spanish before I sent my entire Mexican family away from the dinner table gasping and laughing in pure astonishment. Yeah, I'd say I have some regrets.

      If I had it to do all again, I would like to have back the careless way I treated some of the people in my life especially when I was young. I didn't know it then, but I had so very much to learn about life and love and the value of a human heart. I wish I had back the times in high school when I saw someone sitting alone or having a bad day. I wish I would have taken the opportunity to reach out, to care, to really understand. I wish that I would have had the maturity to be kind instead of trying to be cool. My number one biggest regret though is the way that I treated my kid brother. Instead of being a loving, caring big sister, I was too often cold, aloof and self centered. I wish I would have been the sort of sibling that was understanding, patient, kind, fun and always there, no matter what.

      The interesting thing about the lessons in this life is that they keep coming around until we learn them. Some of mine have made too many laps around the track to count. I am grateful though for the chance to redeem myself occasionally. While I can't go back and make it up to those folks I went to school with way too many years ago, I can make it up to that little girl in the corner crying because of what someone called her and I can sit at the art table with the child that is all alone and treat her like she is the only thing that matters in that moment. Most importantly, I can still be that kind of big sister now that I should have always been. For this weeks pay it forward, I am going to make it a point to call or text my baby brother more frequently and really stay involved in his life. Who knows, maybe this is one lesson I will finally get right.

Laurie

The Most Important Thing

      The week before spring break one of my work buddies stopped by my room and asked me about my vacation plans. I rattled off what I thought was a rather impressive to do list and he responded with a frown. “You know,” he said, “you could just relax.” I had a good hard laugh and then I realized that he was serious.

      To be honest, I am not sure exactly what it means to “relax” for any amount of time longer than an hour or so, therefore vacations with lots of down time kind of make me feel a little uneasy. I’m not saying that I don’t chill from time to time, I do, but not without doing something constructive before and after. I have been this way since birth so perhaps its in the genes. Mom says that even as a small child I was always busy. One of my earliest memories consists of organizing my stuffed animals on my bed. Every one of them had a special spot and I knew if they had been moved. Sick, I know, but workaholism and perfectionism are two sides of the same coin.

      The problem with workaholism and perfectionism is that the two breed and give birth to some nasty offspring like irritability, anger, frustration, anxiety, moodiness and even depression. Worst of all they have the tendency to divert your focus to things that are temporary and irrelevant. I tell my students that perfectionism is highly overrated. I believe that with my whole heart but I also have a really tough time reeling it in sometimes, so I know exactly what they are going through.

      One of my greatest issues is that I tend to put work first no matter what. I don’t set out to do that but I am a very driven individual and sometimes that drive gets in the way of my relationships and well, everything else if I’m not careful. It is something that I must keep in constant check. My father told me once that the one thing in his life he regretted most was not being around as much when we were kids. I have never forgotten that. He is a wonderful worker and when he has a job to do he does it well and gives it everything he has. I have always admired that work ethic and I hope that I have inherited some of it. I would hope though that I have inherited something else as well, the ability to realize what is really important in this life. Therefore, for my next pay it forward project I am going to do something I have not done in a very long time. I am going to take some time off with my family in which I am completely and totally here instead of what I usually do, look tuned in while my brain is working on my next to do list. For the next few days I am going to strive to be totally and completely present. I am going to have some real conversations instead of the usual small talk. I am going to give real, heart felt compliments instead of quick blurbs. I am going to really look at loved ones, really hear them, really be with them in a more focused way than I have ever done before, if only for a little while. We will all go back to work and school next week and the world will close in again, but for a couple days I am going to make a few memories and forget about the responsibilities of life for a spell.

      May I put aside the work, the perfectionism, and my other baggage long enough to show my family how truly grateful I am for their presence in my lives. I will never be the same because of these crazy, insane, wonderful people and for that, I thank God.

Laurie