The Heart Tugs

      As most of you know, I am a teacher. I supplement my income by tutoring and the most frequently requested tutor is a math tutor. I am an art teacher with a unique background in math so I tutor math. Usually I deal in 8th grade or 9th grade math but recently I was asked to take on a 6th grader. When I was first asked about this last gig I was hesitant. Algebra I like. Algebra I get. 6th grade? All I could think, is "Oh Lord, another prep to do." Then I am told that the child has some issues and will require some patience. I said "no." But my friend was persistent so I eventually caved. What can I say, I am pathetically weak.

      So I begin tutoring my new girl. I figured I needed another pay it forward so she would be it, like it or not. Now the first session went ok, the honeymoon period we call it but by the second session, the gloves were off. Attitude is not nearly strong enough a word. I politely went to my friend and attempted yet again to decline and I think I nearly succeeded except for that little tug at my heart. You know the kind. The kind that you just can't say no to. The kind you can't ignore. I had almost made it to the door when I turned around and told my friend I'd give it one more go. All I could think as I was leaving is "You are such a sucker, you are such an idiot! You so don't have time for this." What is crazy is that I knew despite my own inner voice that it was the right thing to do. I just didn't know why, yet.

      The next session was the tell all. I got to the root of her attitude. The weekend prior to our little blow up she had been beaten up, bad enough to send her to the hospital and that's not even the worst part. The assault was carried out by two older male children. Now this young lady is in the 6th grade and might weigh 70 lbs soaking wet, if you weighed her with her book bag on. I was appalled, went straight to my friend and was told yes, it was turned in, yes, mom knows, yes, mom is dealing with it. Now this is what this little girl deals with on the weekends from her so called "friends" and I'm wondering why she can't concentrate on math. Geesh!

      So now our regular tutoring sessions have turned into math tutoring/mentoring sessions. Alas, the reason I couldn't say no. She wasn't put in my path because she needed help with math, she was put in my path because she needed help with math AND self esteem and God knows what else! My point is, there is a reason that I couldn't say no, even though everything in me wanted to. Maybe I can help, maybe I can't, but I have to try.

      A few days after our fateful math lesson I came across this quote by Joel Osteen:

"Your job is not to judge. Your job is not to figure out if someone deserves something. Your job is to lift the fallen, to restore the broken, and to heal the hurting."

      Lesson learned. Don't ignore the heart tugs.

Laurie

The Thanksgiving Board

      For this week's pay it forward, I decided to get a little bit of a jump start on the Thanksgiving holiday spirit. I really wanted my students to think about what was important to them and to voice that in some unique way. I came up with the idea of giving the kids free reign with my white board at the front of the room. I called it the Thanksgiving Board and I wrote "Things I Am Thankful For:" at the top and got them started by writing one thing I was thankful for in a cool graffiti font. I wrote "My Students."

     You see teaching was not exactly my first career choice. Teaching kind of found me, not the other way around and I thank God for that, for it was his vision not mine, that brought me down this weird and winding road.

      Oh, I have my days. There are plenty of pity parties when I hit a low, look at the bills and start calculating how much money I might have made had I stayed in the engineering field, but then I have a week like this one.

      I explained my Thanksgiving Board to my first class of the day. I gave them some rules. Kids like structure. No erasing anyone else's work. Nothing inappropriate. I reserve the right to edit out whatever I see fit. I told them "You can write anything at all that you are thankful for even coffee and chocolate :)  but once you get all of the shallow stuff out of the way, I want you to go a little deeper. What are you really grateful for? What freedoms do you have because of where you live and where you are born and due to the sacrifices of many brave men and women? What joys do you have in your life? What, or better yet who, makes this life worth living?"

      At first the children just kind of looked at the board, then one brave soul ventured up front and began to write. I got some comical stuff. One young lady wrote that she was very thankful for "hot guys" as she put it and the band members of One Direction to be more specific. Once she got the ball rolling the flood gates opened and everyone wanted some space on the board. Let's see, there was watermelon, mine craft, x box, chewing gum, Saturdays and easy math tests, but their were also a few more interesting items. One little girl wrote that she was grateful to be healthy, impressive insight for a seventh grader. One student that had recently undergone a very serious surgery and health scare wrote one word: life.

      But my favorite one had to be from that little girl that just got back from time out of school due to the death of her grandmother. That sweet girl filled an entire three foot sized bubble of things that just she was thankful for. She wrote the individual names of all of her family members. There must have been twenty or so. She stopped a couple of times to be sure that she didn't miss anyone. She wrote her big sister's name extra large with hearts around it. That made me smile and I got to thinking that sometimes it is true what they say about the rain making us appreciate the sunshine. What a brave and wonderful young lady. She is only in the sixth grade but she gets it.

      I know what I am thankful for this year, my family, my health, a job that I love and more importantly my students that I get the privilege to teach. I am truly thankful for their joy, their laughter, their fun, their silliness, their ability to see things in such a simple, unimpeded way. They teach me more than I will ever teach them. God knew what he was doing when he pointed me, well more like pushed me, in this direction. He was giving me yet another wonderful gift to be thankful for.  :)

      Laurie

     
   

Some Things Not Even Chocolate Can Fix

      This has been one of those weeks. Can I get an "Amen" from the peanut gallery? I feel like a metal ball in a pinball machine getting bounced around and popped at every turn. Apparently I am not alone. 

 

      I have noticed quite a few downtrodden faces this week, more than the normal average. It's spreading like a virus. So in an effort to douse my sorrows I did what any woman would do to feel better. No not drink a glass of wine, although that thought crossed my mind once or twice. I am talking about eating chocolate!

      Fortunately the band and chorus at school were conducting a candy sale this week as a fundraiser. They stored the culinary delights in our teacher's lounge and when you walked in you were hit with the most amazing aroma of milk chocolate. Is it possible to gain weight by breathing? Anyway I shelled out my dollar and took a few minutes to delight in one of life's true pleasures, stress eating. And it worked! Well at least for a little while. 

      Children kept coming up to me all week trying to sell me more and more candy. It is hard to resist those cute little faces so I found myself with a rather large supply of chocolate bars. Enter this week's pay it forward. Look for the most down trodden kid in class and give them a treat.

      In the first class it went to a child that has had a hard time this week fitting in. The second to someone that just went through a rather traumatic event. The next bar went to a fellow teacher who was having a bad day. But the best one didn't even get a candy bar. This little one looked a bit down but she is not really a talker. So I asked her if she would like a candy bar. "Candy can't fix this Mrs. Sloan," she said. I asked her if she wanted to talk about it. She said that her grandmother died last night. Aw, man. Well, she teared up, so I teared up and I hugged her and told how truly sorry I was. She said she was headed to the funeral and would be missing a few days of school. I told her I would miss her and that I'd be thinking of her and her family. What a sweet baby and she was right, candy couldn't fix that one. 

      I have to wonder if I hadn't been looking for someone to give the candy to, if I would have had the chance to talk to her. I would like to think that I would have taken the time to figure it out but hey, with a class full of rambunctious youngins, who knows? Funny how things work out. 

      You have probably noticed that I haven't had as many posts lately. That is due in part to the fact that I have picked up another job. In my quest to become financially stable I missed a few weeks of blogging and serious pay it forwarding. Today made me wonder what else I may have missed. 

      Have a good rest of the week and try not to miss out on an opportunity to help someone out along the way! :)

Laurie

Thanks Coach!

      Unfortunately all too often in my profession, one sees the harm done to children by outside influences beyond their control. Frequently it is the adults charged with their protection that knowingly or unknowingly drop the ball. Don't get me wrong, I get how hard parenting is, believe me. It is hands down the toughest job in the world. It takes patience, commitment, time and a little luck. Done well it changes who you are and if you are not whole when you start the process it is nearly impossible to get it right. Sadly there are a lot of damaged people out there raising children and they set in motion a gloomy legacy of hurt. If they are extremely lucky their kids find someone in their life to brush 'em off and love 'em through it. This might happen at church, at school, within the extended family unit or maybe even on the football field.

     Coaches work long, thankless, underpaid hours. Many are parent volunteers. These are the folks that give me hope. It is refreshing to see adults so plugged in. Parents and coaches who put their kids first no matter how many practices or games they have to drive them too, no matter how many times they stay up helping an exhausted kid with homework and no matter how many late night dinners they have to endure. Fast food still counts for dinner, right? These coaches are not only looking out for their kids, they are there looking out for the players of the parents that can't get off work early to get to practice. They take the new kid under their wing while staying on the student that is behind in math to be sure he gets all his work done. They are more than coaches they are role models and leaders. They are mentors and they help fill in the gaps that we as parents might miss. 

      Maybe not all coaches rise to this challenge but the football coaches at our school definitely do and I feel very fortunate to work with them. This week's pay it forward was simple: homemade pumpkin pie after practice for these dedicated guys. So here's to all those men and women out there who donate their time to test their patience with a bunch of wiry, energetic, off the wall children. Thanks for all you do and for helping our kids through that awkward and sometimes rough transition toward adulthood! You are the epitome of pay it forward!

Laurie   

Just Be

      I believe in taking a few minutes each day to just be. I have learned from years of experience, big work loads and high stress levels that learning to slow down, just a little every day is the difference between a freaked out Laurie and a "how can I help you" Laurie. It is easy, for me at least, to get wrapped up in the day to day grind. The responsibilities, the work, the duties, the "get er done" stuff can easily consume me if I'm not careful.

      I can usually handle the non stop rush for a few days or so before I begin to crack. First there is a quick, snappy response followed by an uncharacteristically mean one and finally I retreat inside myself, not noticing anything or anyone but the work at hand. What a waste of my time, of precious resources, of life. When I get like that I miss the big picture, the reason for being here. So, I meditate. I pray. I sit still, no matter how difficult that may be, and I let God calm me down. I give him permission, like he needs it, to run the show for just a little while.

      This daily break is a form of therapy for me and it truly works wonders.  It is during such sessions that I have the time to breathe, to think, to be inspired. I am always on the look out for the next pay it forward opportunity and I am sure that it is no coincidence that those ideas flow more easily during these down times. I have found through the years that most of my questions get answered if only I take the time to listen for the response.

      This weeks pay it forward idea came during one such be still session and it is such a simple one. This week I decided to do something nice for my favorite local businesses. I got a Yelp account and went online to write some reviews. It was such an easy thing to do but I know from being in business myself how helpful it is to read not only what you can improve on but what you are doing right. It is a difficult climate for businesses right now and as an owner and a manager it is frustrating sometimes to be in charge of so many other people. Everything they do reflects on you, good or bad. So this week, I decided to help them see the good and catch them doing something right. I wrote honest, heart felt reviews about the businesses that my family and I frequent on a regular basis and why we do so. I hope that it gives some overworked managers and their employees a boost today!

      I hope you have a wonderful day and a great weekend, and don't forget to take a minute or two to recharge you batteries and just be. :)

Laurie

Enjoying the Visit

      A few weeks ago I was certain that I was kissing my sweet grandmother goodbye for the last time. I guess Nana and God had other plans and I was thankful to be wrong yet again. Nana is still recuperating from her heart attack which is complicated by the Alzheimer's but this all could have been so much worse. She was literally on death's door. Now she resides at Dennett Road Nursing Home. I'm not sure she totally knows where she is but she seems happy to be there. She lights up when she recognizes one of her favorite nurses and tells her how much she loves her. She knows where her room is located, most of the time and seems content to rest there. She happily points out where she eats her meals and seems genuinely thrilled to see her new found friends. (If she happens to forget them, no worries, she usually starts liking them all over again tomorrow.) It certainly pays to be positive. The nurses love her and so do I!

      I really enjoyed my visit with Nana. My mother and I took her out to lunch and to get her nails done. What we did didn't matter. I just enjoyed being with her. We sat and talked in the lobby of the nursing home and I must say it was rather entertaining. I watched as the incredibly patient staff dealt with some of the more challenging residents. One lady was quite cranky and tried to pull the hair of the nurse that vainly attempted to return her to her room. One constantly plotted her escape when she thought no one was watching and the cutest one was a sweet, lost soul who kept wondering the halls and crawling into bed with any resident that left their door open. That caused quite a raucous to be sure!

      As I sat watching all of this I also saw some wonderful displays of human kindness and love. I witnessed a very caring nurse hug her patient and tell them that she loved them. I saw family members making their weekly visits with a couple of the cutest babies I have ever seen and I watched in awe the transformation from loneliness to pure joy as the residents greeted their visitors. I learned that it doesn't take much to get that sort of reaction.

      Nana has a friend there, her name is Joanne. As we sat chatting Joanne mentioned that some of the residents had been asking the administrators for a chess board. "One of the nice ones," she said. "The kind with a checker board on the back." I asked her if she would be able to find someone to play with. "Sure," she said. "I have a couple of friends who still like to play cards and would love to play chess." We joked with her that Nana use to be an awesome bridge player but nowadays when she plays cards she changes games on you midway through. You never really know what you are playing unless you ask. No worries. It makes things interesting and she usually wins.  

      I am sure by now you have probably figured out the pay it forward. Yeah, I just had to get them a chess board. I delivered it to Joanne who looked like someone just gave her an awesome Christmas gift.  She thanked me and made a beeline for the cafeteria tables where she happily set up her new chess set. By the time I left she had recruited a friend and was patiently reminding them how to move each piece. It did my heart good to make her smile if only for a little while.

      You know, I use to dread visiting hospitals and the like. Now because of my Nana, Joanne and some sweet residents of a remarkably well run nursing home, I look forward to it. :)

Laurie

   


     

Good Vibrations

      Some might say that I am a gifted hoarder. I have managed in the eleven years that I have worked at my current job to put together quite a plethora of art supplies. Now to the untrained eye these treasures might be mistaken for mere trash but to the art teacher things like toilet paper rolls, beads and yarn are crafter's gold. We don't see the world the same as other people. Where some normal person might see a milk carton we see a cleverly decorated piece of gothic architecture decked out in full Halloween splendor. They see a styrofoam meat tray and the art teacher sees the basis for a beautiful stamp design. So we are hoarders by our very nature. Art teachers carefully store supplies during the education years of plenty to get us through the inevitable years of famine. We have to prepare so that when the next politician comes along using all his infinite wisdom to convince folks that art doesn't matter and cuts our funding, we are ready!  

      This week I got an email announcing the first art meeting of the school year. Now to be brutally honest I was not terribly excited. It isn't that I don't love my job and all that goes with it but I already have quite a full plate at the present and well who really looks forward to another meeting? Anyway the follow up  email mentioned something about an art supply swap happening at the get together since many of the art teachers are currently on tight budgets if they are fortunate enough to have any art budget at all. The whole idea behind it is, well you know the cliche, one person's junk is someone else's treasure.

     So after class on Monday I was rooting through the cavernous art closet adjacent to the art room trying to get one more thing knocked off my list before I went home. One of my favorite students was helping me with my task by jotting down all of the items I might be willing to spare for this upcoming supply swap. At first it was just a boring -what can I donate to the group-what do I really not want anyway- kind of thing. Now quite honestly I was not too enthused with my task until something clicked, I stopped and said "Wait a minute. There is an opportunity here." My favorite student who also happens to be the president of Junior Civitans knows me well. She knows all about my little weekly projects. We looked at each other as if to say "Pay it Forward." I smiled and she smiled a big smile back. "Let's try an experiment." I said. She grinned. I told her about this theory of mine that what we put out there comes back. "It's like sending out good vibrations and waiting to see how those ripples effect someone else as well as yourself," I told her. "So let's pack a really cool swap box with good junk and stuff that folks would actually want, not just the bottom of the deck things I am willing to part with. I'm going to put in some really cool items that I would not normally give away and let's see how long it takes for something good to come back to me and my art classes." My sweet student lit up "Yeah, Mrs. Sloan. Let's do the experiment! Pay it forward!" Did I say that she is my favorite?

      The whole energy in the room changed. We started moving around the closet noting what we thought was cool and what we thought other teachers might ew and ah over and we had a ball doing it! All that is left now is to pack everything up and haul it to the meeting. I get to clear out my stuffed supply cabinet and help out some colleagues at the same time. Win/win.

      The coolest thing about this whole project was that it wasn't just the clutter in my closet that began to disappear. I also unloaded some nasty internal garbage that had been accumulating for far too long like fear, selfishness, and control. No more worrying that if I give those supplies away I might need them tomorrow. That's ok. If I haven't used them yet, I probably won't need them after all and someone else will benefit from them sooner rather than later. No more thinking that I worked hard to collect all of this stuff, this should be used for my students. Instead of helping just myself, I get the joy of knowing that another teacher benefitted from my endless hoarding and more importantly so did some other students. No more of the I have to keep all of this stuff because it gives me some sense of control over my circumstances. Let's face it, I was never that organized to begin with. :)

      Now instead of dreading the meeting, I am looking forward to it. I might just get the chance to make some other educator's day and I am curious to see if our theory of good vibrations holds true.
To be continued...

Laurie

True Success

      I have been thinking a lot this week about what it means to have a successful life. Our culture would have us believe the old adage "He who finishes with the most toys wins." I fell prey to that one myself once upon a time. It is easy to believe that true success involves some tangible markers like a large house, nice clothes, a little bling and a fancy ride. I have none of those things. I couldn't even begin to tell you what the current fashion trends are and my car is so old that the paint job probably wouldn't be able to withstand a high powered pressure wash, not that I would even bother. At some point it just doesn't matter anymore.

      My idea of success has undergone a few changes through the years and to be totally honest, it is still a work under construction. I use to have a poster that hung in my college dorm room of this gorgeous mansion with a six car garage that housed a remarkable collection of sports cars including a Lamborghini, a Ferrari, a Porsche, well you get the picture. Anyway the poster read "Justification For Higher Education." I remember thinking "Yeah, I might live in a shack but I will drive a car like that one day!" Man, did I have a lot to learn. Today those cars wouldn't even be on my radar and I think maybe, that is a good thing.

      I think that true success involves learning how to look past the material stuff and start really caring about the heart stuff. It requires a restructuring of the human ego so that we learn to value one another's needs more than our own. I think one way God achieves this type of transformation is by giving us children since, as my dear mother would say, the fact that they are still alive is evidence that we have come a long way. :)

      I think another valuable way that God teaches us to love is through our families, friends and the oh so unlovable folks that are always creeping into our lives without permission. For me, one of the best "love" teachers in my life was my grandmother. Marianna listened when no one else would, (or when the rest exited the room from sheer exhaustion) she empathized, she cared, she attempted to understand and she loved me when I was quite frankly, unlovable. I had no idea what a remarkable thing that was until later in life when I became a teacher and started mentoring my own students. All any child wants, heck all any human being wants is for someone to listen, really listen.

      Success is, to paraphrase Mother Teresa, loving them anyway. Being there for that bratty child who you would really like to send packing but understanding that on a deeper level it is always the annoying ones that need you the most. Success is knowing that time spent loving someone through something is never, ever time wasted. Success is the realization that schedules and to do lists are great but God is in the interruptions. It is understanding that we are here to ease one another's sorrow, to help, to care, to mend. All those awesome cars and beautiful clothes won't matter one big ol' hill of beans if we don't learn how to love.

      The trouble with stuff is that we have to work so hard to get it, to keep it and to maintain it, that we don't have enough time for the things, no the people that really matter. My Nana taught me that. She always had time for me. She still does. In honor of her, this weeks pay it forward will be a series of cards and letters sent to my Nana's nursing home attempting in my own feeble way to help her understand why her life was so incredibly valuable and successful. I just finished my first one and I cried all the way through it. I have to be sure that she understands what an important role she has played in my life and how truly grateful I am for her lessons.

Laurie

The First Law of Thermodynamics

      The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I got a surprise call, left on my phone in the middle of the night. You know the kind of call I'm talking about, the sort that everyone dreads. "Nana is very sick. She has been taken to the emergency room. We will let you know something as soon as we can." Yeah, that is almost never good. I went to work wishing that I could stay home by the phone but knowing that the distraction would be a welcome break from the constant worrying. The call came early, right after the morning rounds at the hospital. It was a heart attack. Really a series of heart attacks. They were still actively occurring and there were multiple blood clots in her lungs. I left work right away and began the nine hour trek home. I arrived well past visiting hours and was not expecting to see Nana until the following morning. I was so grateful when they let me in that evening. She was tired, confused and hurting. When we asked her where she hurt, she couldn't pinpoint it. She just didn't feel well and all she wanted to do was sleep. I got to stay with her and hold her hand. I got to tell her how much I love her and hear her say it again to me one more time. She was ready to die. There was no fear. No worry. At least on her part. 

      While I was visiting my dear grandmother, I got to experience one of the most powerful pay it forwards that I have ever seen, performed by a couple of completely imperfect, unprepared but loving individuals. Nana has two daughters, my mother Karen and my aunt Pam. Nana has not lived in her own house for the past thirteen years or so. She moved in with Mom right after she finished construction on her current home. Nana split her time between Maryland with Mom and Atlanta with Pam. The sisters made certain that she had whatever she needed, wherever she was. In return Nana was always helping out by doing the grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, ironing or cleaning. Nana always reminded me of the trains in that Thomas the Tank Engine cartoon that my kids made me watch like a gazillion times when they were little. She always wanted to be a "really useful engine." When Nana finally had to give up driving, it just about killed her. She didn't feel like she could affectively contribute anymore. She loved going to the grocery store and now she could not do that without relying on someone to take her and that just wasn't her style. 

      Nana's slow deterioration was painful to watch. Alzheimer's was taking its toll. This past year was the hardest. She would ask us all again and again how old we were and she would get the great grands confused. She had this crazy herding tendency. She wouldn't rest until everyone was corralled at home and everyone was safe. Unfortunately for my Mom and Pam that meant that she needed to know about every short trip out of the room, not that she would remember once they told her. It must have been very scary for her and extremely frustrating for them. 

      The sisters have endured years and years of Alzheimer's and tried their best to love Nana through it. It meant a great many sacrifices on their parts but I never once heard either of them complain. As I watched them tend to her and sit with her around the clock at the hospital I thought of how lucky she was to have raised such great daughters that would put their lives on hold to be with their ailing mother. They were both tired and stressed but they never let Nana know it. They did her nails, brushed her hair and fed her. All I could think of while I was there was how lucky Nana was to have them. How much they loved each other was apparent to everyone, the nurses, the relatives, the visitors. 

      Unfortunately the worst was yet to come. Nana did not die from the heart attacks or the blood clots but she was left unable to do even the simplest of tasks and the sisters faced the excruciating decision of putting her in a nursing home at least for the time being. It broke their hearts. They set about making her room as much like home as possible. They moved in her favorite chair, got her a bedspread for the bed and added touches from home. They just don't know what tomorrow might bring, but they are prepared to love her through it, whatever it is, no matter what.

      The first law of thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created or destroyed it only changes form. Nana told me that her mother Mary came to visit her one night while she was at the hospital. I smiled thinking how great it was that love never really dies either, like other forms of energy it simply undergoes its own type of transformation, from mother to daughter and back again.

      I am grateful for the beautiful lesson of love that I saw demonstrated by two equally beautiful women. Thanks to my mom and my aunt for taking such great care of my Nana. I pray that one day I will be able to return the favor on her behalf. 

Laurie

The Reversal

      A couple of weekends ago my family and I experienced a reverse pay it forward. That's right, this time we were the recipients of a good deed. Let me explain. We live near the water and we own a small boat that had been having a few minor issues lately. It is relatively new but it was suffering from lack of water time and as any boat owner can tell you, they run better when they are run often. Well due to circumstances beyond our control, Michael and I have been unable to take this little beauty out as frequently as we would like, so she is copping a bit of an attitude. When we took her out earlier this summer we noticed a strange sound in the engine so we brought her to the mechanic just to play it safe. He said everything was fine so when Michael, Maddie, and I decided to take it out for a short Sunday excursion we felt pretty confident that she would be up for the task. Fortunately we decided not to go out too far, just in case. 

      We had the boat out on the Neuse River and as we were turning to head in, it just died. The motor sputtered a little, let out a short cough and just like that, she was done. We were left to the mercy of the current in the big river that was taking us further and further away from home. Alright, I thought, I can use some down time. We will just hang out here with two scared little dogs, in the hot sun while a couple of extremely ominous storm clouds begin to take shape simultaneously off in the distance until we can find someone to come get us. No problem, yeah right! Who wants to spend their Sunday afternoon wandering out in a storm on the water to tow some helpless folks back to shore? Michael perused his contacts list on his phone and called a good friend of ours who has a boat and told him about the problem. Our friend's name is Rodney. He offered to drop what he was doing and put in his boat to come out and get us. Now I am sure that was not how he planned on spending his day but he did it anyway. No questions asked. No complaining. No trouble.

      It didn't matter that we hadn't talked in awhile or that I regularly fail to recognize him in his beefed up pickup truck as he passes my little mouse mobile waving energetically. It was of no concern to him that we may never be able to pay him back in that the likelihood of both our boat running and us being anywhere in the vicinity of the waterway at the same time that he might have a similar crisis must be astronomical. With our current schedules and luck the poor man would have a better chance at winning the lottery. No, none of that seemed to phase him. He refused payment several times as did his son. The only thing I could get them to consider accepting was a homemade pie. When I mentioned lemon meringue Rodney said "Now your are talking."

     I have never lived anywhere in which we have had the privilege of having such awesome friends. We have no family here, no close relatives nearby but we have always, always found help when we needed it. I feel very blessed by the people in this community that I call friends. I can't begin to count the number of folks that live right in this neighborhood that have been there for us through the years. Never once would they accept any form of reimbursement. Time and time again I hear the same sentiment. "We don't take payment from friends." 

     Well, Mr. Rodney, this time you are taking payment because I am bringing you a pie this weekend. I cannot be held responsible if the teenagers get to it before you do but I am honoring my part of the bargain, and should you happen to read this please know that I was never so happy to see anyone as I was to see you and your son on that Sunday afternoon. We can never thank you enough for being such awesome, thoughtful and kind neighbors! You have made us all feel very blessed. Thank you for your help and here's hoping we can return the favor one day. Until then, enjoy the pie! 

Laurie 

Sometimes It's Just Too Easy

     This past weekend was a busy one. It was the tax free weekend in North Carolina. It is the traditional school shopping weekend at our house for that very reason. Maddie bought her computer for college and Colton and I went shopping for his clothes, which he seems to outgrow almost weekly.

      Now when it comes to clothes shopping Colt is a bit of a divo, well sort of. The only place he will buy his clothes is JC Penney. Yeah, I know. Anyway, without JCP the boy would go around naked, so off we went to his favorite store. We gathered up a pretty impressive stack of clothes and drug them to the crowded dressing room. You know it is tax free weekend when even the guys dressing room is nearing capacity. Anyway, as I stood patiently waiting for Colt to try on his clothes, I engaged in one of my absolute favorite pastimes, people watching.

      I happened to notice another mom and her son working their way through the men's section and stopping occasionally to browse through the endless array of racks. The son was selecting items and the mom was looking at the price tags, shaking her head and putting them back. Every now and then they seemed to agree on something and she added it to her pile. They made their way past me and I turned my gaze to the next set of mother/son pairs many of which exhibited a similar shopping pattern. I felt kind of ashamed. Here I was just recently complaining about my station in life and right in front of me were so many folks obviously worse off than I was with their own set of trials and battles to fight.

      As Colt and I made our way to the check out counter with our arms full of new school clothes, I said a short prayer of thanks for the ability to buy these things for my son. I took out my credit card and a coupon that I had saved and gave them to the cashier. She smiled and said "This coupon is a good one. You can use it as much as you like in the next 24 hours and you can choose between 15% or $10 off your purchase whichever works out best." I smiled, grateful for a small break to my budget. It's a shame I won't be back tomorrow, I thought. Then who should appear next to me at the check out but one of the mothers that I had observed earlier and her son. I grinned, thinking sometimes this pay it forward thing is just too easy. "Do you have a coupon?" I asked her. "No." She responded. I said, "Would you like one?" As Colt and I walked out the door, he looked at me and said, "That was cool, Mom." Yeah, I thought, that kind of was. :)

Laurie

My Superheroes

      This past weekend we had some wonderful people over to our house to enjoy some much needed down time. No these were not famous folks or wealthy socialites or A-listers, but they are superheroes in my eyes nonetheless. The guest list consisted of teachers, their spouses, their kids and a policeman and his beautiful family. Of all the people that we have invited to our house, it is with these folks that I feel the most at ease and comfortable. There were no shallow or forced conversations, no one-upping, no networking, no judging, just friends enjoying one another's company. There is such a positive energy from this group and under the circumstances I find that utterly amazing.

      Our state has become infamous lately for its backward progression in many areas. One of the most notable is in public education. The state government has decided to cut the state's education budget so deeply that it will likely never recover. Those in charge here have put greed and the almighty dollar ahead of the state's future by devaluing their teachers, the education process and worst of all, their children. The reason for their decision to abandon us is simple, we cannot afford to fund their never ending avarice. Teachers simply do not have the money to get the state lawmakers attention, neither unfortunately do the thousands of children whose greatest crime was to be born into a poor or middle class family that happens to reside in NC.

      It breaks my heart to see so many wonderful, talented teachers leave North Carolina to pursue work elsewhere. They simply have no choice. At some point, each and every teacher here will be forced to choose between the financial security of their family and a state that they love. Unfortunately for many working as a teacher in North Carolina will no longer be a viable option. The mass exodus has already begun. Teachers like everyone else, have children to raise and older parents to care for and they can't do it on a salary that barely covers the monthly bills. When you devalue educators to such a degree it is the children that pay the price because their teachers are working two and three jobs in order to make ends meet. How can they possibly do their best when they are exhausted and spread so terribly thin?

      Our governor just recently approved a raise for his cabinet because he said that they needed to keep up with the cost of living. What about teachers?  With the exception of one year in the past six our pay has been frozen. That one year, an election year, we got a 1% raise which amounted to a mere $35 in my monthly paycheck after you take into account the fact that my health insurance costs have been steadily increasing every single year. My pay simply cannot keep up. The joke at work is that soon we will all be forced to leave because we will be paying NC for the privilege of working here.

      All of the people that come to hang out and relax on Fridays have every reason to be complaining and whiny and just plain nasty but you know what? They are not. They are as loving, as kind, as jovial and as fun as they have ever been, despite the best efforts of some very mislead, selfish and cruel individuals. I think it says a great deal about their character.

      My superheroes may not wear capes but they sport some bright, encouraging smiles. They may not be capable of scaling buildings with a single bound but they produce some phenomenal one liners and are relentless in their good natured teasing. They may never be wealthy but they understand the value of things that money cannot buy like integrity, generosity, loyalty, honesty and friendship. So my pay it forward for any Friday that I can, is to host a group of wonderful, giving people who are hanging in there together. Here's hoping that there are brighter days ahead.

Laurie

Just In Case I Forget...

      I was never blessed with a good memory. Sure I can remember the names of my students, where I'm going and where I live, most days, but I often walk in a room and forget why I went in there and I have gotten to the point in the classroom that I tell the students concerning a piece of their artwork "Remember where I put this because you know I won't." I joke that it is early onset Alzheimer's disease but I think that the real problem is my work load. When you are constantly busy, and let's face it that is just my nature, you tend to forget stuff. The brain is just a little overwhelmed and I guess when that happens in my sorry cerebrum, the memory part just shuts off. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

      My daughter is leaving for college in less than a month. I have mixed feelings. I am ready for her to go and God knows she is ready to leave, but I will miss having her under my roof every day and night. Everyone that I have talked to about having their first born leave the nest talk about the lonely, sad drive home from college. Mom said that she cried the whole way back from Clemson. One coworker teared up just telling me about her experience with her son even though it was years ago. I have a feeling I will be the same way. It is bitter sweet. I am so excited and even envious of her. She has her whole life ahead of her and it is such a wonderful time. I want her to have all of those experiences and chances in life. I hope her ride is a good one but before she embarks on it, I need to tell her some things just in case I forget in the rush and heat of the moment. The time will be here before I know it and since my memory has a habit of failing me, I'll just jot it down now.

      My Dear Madison,

      Just in case I forget...

      I will ALWAYS love you, no matter what. This holds for anything and everything you can ever think of to get yourself into. After all, you have a creative mother and who knows how that particular gene might manifest itself in your personality once you are on your own.  Just know that no matter what kind of mess you find yourself in good or bad, and no matter how many of my boring lectures you may have to endure, I will always love you. Nothing can ever change that!

      If you need me, I can and will be there. No questions asked. No matter what. Nothing in my world is more important than you.

      I know that I have held high expectations for you and that I may have pushed you at times, but just remember that the only reason I held the bar so high is because I was certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that you could not only reach it but would clear it with plenty of room. I know you hate to hear this, but I was right. :)

      You are capable of so much more than I ever was and I am in awe of everything you have accomplished. If you stopped today, and never added another item to your impressive list, it would be enough. Set your goals high because I know you can reach them and don't be afraid to dream because you just never know.

      I wish you a life of love, joy, peace, prosperity and happiness. When in doubt about what really matters remember that line from that old Eagles song, "Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds boy, she'll beat you if she's able. The Queen of Hearts is always your best bet."

     I pray that the lessons you have to learn will be easy and that you learn them the first time they come around because I can tell you from experience if you don't, they will be back.

     Chase your passion and you will never be disappointed. You only go around once so make every second count. As John Keating tells his students in Dead Poets Society, "Make your lives extraordinary." I can't wait to see what you do with yours!

      Love Always and Forever,

      Mom

   
   

The Bumper Crop

      You can't tell it from looking at my yard but I am an avid gardener. I love the idea of planting something, nurturing it and seeing it develop into a marvelous blooming beauty. It just seems like a mini miracle to me that all that wonder can come from a couple of tiny seeds. I have the same awe when it comes to the vegetable bed. I guess truth be told I am a bit of a tomato snob. I have no use for those big tasteless red orbs the grocery store sells. I would much rather have a vine fresh sweetie from my own backyard.

      So this spring I planted six tomato plants as I do every year and hoped for the best. After bouts of bug infestations and disease this years hard working plants produced a bumper crop, much to my culinary delight! I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into that wonderful fruit and devour my first real BLT of the season. These tomatoes did not disappoint but after dozens of BLTs, bushels of bruschetta and barrels of salsa, I realized that I had more tomatoes than my family and I could ever possibly eat. Normally I would have started canning, but this year I decided to take advantage of an easy pay it forward opportunity, so I began giving them away, a few here, a half dozen there. And you know what? A funny thing happened. The more tomatoes I gave away, the more I had to give.

      For a long time I had it in my head that doing things for other people would take too much of my time, too much of my money and well too much of me. It would drain me in one form or another so I went through life gathering instead of giving. All the while priding myself on how efficient, organized and savvy I was, but something was missing. I think now looking back over the past six months I know what it was, joy. I was happy enough but I was missing out on some simple, small, wonderful joys. What I failed to realize is that by giving back in any form, I reap far more in the long run and these fruits are the type that don't go bad.

      There is great satisfaction in bringing happiness to another human soul. By giving, we connect and through connecting with one another we cultivate deeper, more meaningful relationships. There is ridiculous abundance in releasing your time, gifts, talents, stuff and yes even tomatoes to the world around you. If there is one lesson I have learned from these pay it forward experiences, it is that you cannot out give God. The more you do for others the more it comes back to you. So I will continue to give away the tomatoes, keeping an eye out for that next PIF opportunity. Enjoying in the meantime the simple pleasures that come from changing my focus. :)

Laurie

A Chance to be on the Giving End

      When Michael and I started teaching eleven years ago, it meant enduring not only a huge career change but a big life change as well. We were starting fresh in a new state with no family or friends to fall back on.  We were facing two mortgage payments, lots of bills and some major financial strain from the move. New job stress would have been enough for our little brood but our kids were also faced with leaving the only home they had ever known.  Fortunately we had some wonderful people to help ease us through that difficult transition.

      One of the teachers at work went out of her way to help. She sat in on our classes and offered good sound advice on everything from classroom control to organizational tips. She patiently answered questions and listened to our fears. She assured me that I could do this and encouraged me daily not to give up. She took Michael under wing and helped him tremendously with his coaching duties. She was an excellent teacher that cared enough to show a couple of newbys the ropes. To top it off, at the end of that initial month when we were flat broke before our first paycheck, she even went so far as to buy us our weekly groceries. We tried to tell her no, but she simply wouldn't have it. We were so grateful for her ridiculous kindness. She was one of those wonderful people that inspired us to help others when we got the chance.

      This week I have been given one such opportunity. We have a new teacher onboard at our school and my boss asked me and several others to look out for her as this will be her first time ever in a classroom. For my pay it forward project this week I am going to put some small goodies in her box each day along with an inspirational quote or note. I am going to stop by and check on my buddy and make sure that she has everything that she needs and I'll be looking for any opportunity to make her transition just a little bit easier. It feels good to finally be on the giving end. Receiving is nice but giving is a thousand times better. :)

Laurie

The Grown Up Fit

      Recently my family had the wonderful opportunity to take a marvelous vacation in Europe on a river cruise. It was the trip of a lifetime! Ah, but few things in this world are perfect and our delightful trip was no exception. The region had just experienced some severe flooding, they had record temperatures the week we visited and the air conditioning on the boat had some issues. OK let's be honest. The ac quit, died, froze up or to use the formal German term, went "kaputt." Being on that boat the day the ac died was like being in a sealed tin can that was left on top of the kitchen stove top with one of the burners on. Needless to say the inside of that cruiser wasn't the only thing that got hot. Tempers were flaring. I felt bad for the staff. They were a wonderful group of people that bent over backwards to make sure that everyone had a fantastic time but unfortunately they also made up the front line when something went wrong.

      Annette was the girl that worked the front desk. I'm not sure what her formal title was but that was her general job description. She would hand out and collect the shore passes, provide wifi information, exchange dollars for euros and answer any general questions one might have. Like all the crew on the Vienna, Annette was never in a bad mood, always pleasant and upbeat. She was patient and kind and just a genuinely nice girl.

      The day the ac broke Annette was feeling the heat from two distinct hot air sources. The first, more benign, came from the guts of the boat but the second came from the unattractive mouths of the disgruntled guests. Now I have seen some fits in my life. I raised two children through the terrible twos or threes as they were in our house. I have taught some unruly students who had no clue what a boundary was let alone how to behave within the confines of one, but I have rarely seen a grown woman act in such a way as I did that day. This lady was flailing her arms, shouting obscenities, and doing everything but rolling around on the ground kicking and screaming. Wait, she was screaming. I don't think rolling around on the ground was exactly an option as I am not quite sure that she could have gotten herself back up. Anyway, dear Annette was taking a beating. Those words were landing with the same intensity as if she were being hit with carefully calculated punches. I stood there on the stairs observing the scene with my mouth wide open, stunned. I remember thinking, I know you're hot lady but how does freaking out help? If anything it turns up your internal thermometer even more.

      I waited for the "lady" to leave and I approached Annette. At first I wasn't going to intervene. This was a conversation that I just happened upon. It was technically none of my business, but that never stopped me before and besides this was a good chance to pay it forward. This young lady had just gotten stomped on pretty good and she needed someone to lift her up and dust her off.  I went up to the desk looked at Annette and said "Somebody is having a bad day." Annette replied, "She's not the only one." I told her not to pay any attention to that woman. "This is her problem, I said, not yours. Don't let her tell you that you aren't wonderful, because you are. You are awesome at your job. I have watched you all week. You are professional, mature and kind and that is a great deal more than I can say for her right now. So keep your chin up and know that there is at least one guest on this boat that thinks you are da bomb!" I grinned and she grinned back. I'm still not sure that "da bomb" translated very well but she got the general idea. "Thanks," she said.

      Funny thing was that later that night at dinner I was discussing the incident with Michael and he said that he did the same thing with the cruise director who was under a barrage of attacks by some fiery seniors. Well the ac did get fixed, not because someone pitched a fit, but due to the fervent work of the ship's electrician. All in all we were only out completely for a half a day or so and we spent most of that time off the boat roaming around the town in which we were docked. It was really no big deal.

      It is interesting to watch how people behave in less than ideal situations. I'll confess I'm guilty of being cranky when I don't get my way but I'm not much on fit throwing, even less so now that I've seen  one in action. Perhaps one of the greatest character tests might be how we treat folks in service roles. Food for thought: Dave Barry wrote "A person that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is not a nice person."

      Have a great week!

Laurie

Even Small Acts of Kindness Count

      When I started writing this blog, I had no idea where it would lead. I have found that these little weekly experiments have prompted a change in my thoughts and my actions. Sometimes it is the really small changes that turn out to have a big impact.

      Like most people we get bombarded at work with a daily barrage of emails and that is after the system weeds out the junk mail and spam. My usual method is to read only those emails that pertain directly to me and delete everything else. This year however, I made it a point to answer all of the emails that asked for nominations for some honorable teaching award or some well paid fellowship. The old me would not have wasted time on anything that did not directly benefit me in some shape or form. This year because of the pay it forward thing, I decided to answer a few of these emails and nominate some colleagues for some well deserving awards.

      There was this fellowship sponsored by the North Carolina Museum of Art. They were looking for math and science teachers that could help write and promote inspiring lesson plans incorporating art and technology into the core subjects. The email was sent to everyone that had worked with the museum looking for possible candidates. Now normally I would have sent this email to the little trash can but this year I am always on the lookout for a good pay it forward project so I figured what the heck, I'll forward this email to one of the most talented teachers I know who just happens to be licensed in math and science.

      John Scarfpin is not your average teacher. He isn't your average guy for that matter. I remember the last big hurricane we had here in North Carolina. John was one of the first people I saw out and about. He wasn't assessing his own damage like everyone else, no John went checking on his friends and colleagues to see if he could help in anyway with clean up, by running to the store for supplies, etc. I worked with John at the time but I work with a lot of people. I never expected to see any of them at my door just to see if I was Ok or if I needed their help in anyway.

     As a teacher John is phenomenal, always looking for new and unusual ways to inspire his students. He would never shy awake from any sort of work especially if it meant that he might have the opportunity to reach just one more kid. I admire him and aspire to be more like him. So when I read about this fellowship, John was the first person that came to mind. I forwarded the email with the necessary information on the fellowship to him not thinking that anything would become of it. Then a couple of weeks ago in true Scarfpin fashion I got a thank you note from John letting me know that out of all of the hundreds of applicants across the state, he had won. He was grateful for the information and wanted to thank me for remembering him. It was a wonderful opportunity and I am so happy for my friend. I can't wait to see what awesome, inspiring lessons he creates.

      All I could think about was how many times I missed out on such an easy pay it forward opportunity. I am now more dedicated than ever to promoting the great teachers that I have the privilege of working with and to think, it was all because of a simple pay it forward quest that I almost didn't do. Lesson learned. Even small, seemingly insignificant acts of kindness can have a big impact. :)

Laurie

Art Lessons

      One of the highlights of my childhood was art lessons on Mrs. Schramm's back porch. Mrs. Schramm, a wonderfully patient older lady that was a terrific artist in her own right, gave lessons to two or three kids at a time from the comfort of her own back porch. It had been finished off as an addition of sorts with windows and a door. It didn't have heat but it had lots of brilliant light and the enclosure provided a place to paint year round. When it got cooler the area was warmed by the heat from the main house that came out the interior door to the kitchen which Mrs. Schramm never bothered to close. I'm pretty sure the cats would have objected. They had free reign of the entire house. The numerous felines kept us company as we carefully attempted to get our masterpieces down on canvas. There was one that took a special liking to me and enjoyed curling up behind my easel for his afternoon nap. I loved him but I was so allergic that my eyes would swell shut if I touched him, so I kept my distance. We had an understanding that cat and I. I'd leave him to his endless slumber and he wouldn't come around to the front of the canvas and turn me into an inflamed looking zombie child.

      My art lesson was always right after school. Mrs. Schramm knew that we would be starving so at each easel she generously provided a plate of homemade cookies and a large glass of milk. The fresh baked cookies alone were worth the price of admission. As I recall she didn't charge very much to begin with. It was never about the money anyway.

      My painting station was situated so that my back was to the outside door and on my right was a large multi paned glass window which allowed for wonderful light. That room was a painter's paradise. The light was perfect around four in the afternoon. It was a soft, white light. It's funny, I can't remember what I did last week, but I can remember almost every detail of that porch. The way it smelled, the stand I put my art box on, the clothespin she used to keep my inspiration picture in place, the big tree I passed in the back yard walking in, it is all as clear as if it were yesterday. Things were simple then. I went to school and one day a week I got to paint. I looked forward to that hour and a half. Mom said that she would drop off one child and pick up another. During the time in between that whiny, combative girl miraculously turned into a delightfully happy soul. My weekly metamorphous occurred in under ninety minutes. The transformation began as soon as I hit that door. There was something about that place that provided me with true, uninterrupted happiness. I felt connected to it. I felt connected to Mrs. Schramm, like kindred spirits.

      Mrs. Schramm's beautiful personality was part of the total experience. She was happy, relaxed and pleasant. She enjoyed teaching us to paint. She never got bent out of shape, no matter how immature and off task that boy in the corner became. I did notice however that after a few such sessions he did not return. No great loss, the cat and I never liked him anyway.

      Art and painting in particular provided me with an outlet from whatever ailed me. It made everything go away for a little while and it gave me a chance to recharge my batteries and get back in touch with the person that I was meant to be, not the stressed out perfectionist that too often dominated my moods.

      Now as an art teacher myself I get to see the transformative power of art in a child's life every day at school. I am always amazed at how quickly the human spirit can heal itself given enough time and an ample amount of paint. I began offering art lessons to students who loved my class but wanted the experience to last more than a semester. I have had a few takers for this summer and as I was discussing the particulars with them after school I noticed that one of my favorite students became a little sad. I think that she would have been the first to sign up had it not been for the cost. So I decided that this would be a great opportunity for a pay it forward. I pulled her aside and told her that I would love for her to take some art lessons and that I would offer them to her free of charge as a way to pay her back for all of her hard work in my class. She is constantly helping me with everything from Jr. Civitan's projects, to art room cleaning duties, to assisting other classmates. She is a talented, deserving young lady and I can't wait to see what see creates! After all, it was never about the money anyway.

Laurie

The Good Doctor

      I am so excited about this week's pay it forward! It goes out to one of the best doctors I know. Now this guy is not your every day run of the mill doc. He doesn't make you wait in his waiting room until your butt goes numb from sitting. He will actually talk to you personally over the phone instead of using a nurse as the go between. His ego remains perfectly in check at all times. He harbors no God tendencies or superiority complexes. He doesn't try to figure out ways to inflate your bill so he can squeeze some more money out of the insurance companies or your pocket. He actually engages people in real live conversations that take longer than 2.5 minutes.  He doesn't drive a Porsche or live in a mansion and get this, he truly loves, that's right I said loves, his patients. No, this is not an ordinary doctor folks, this is a one in a million! Too bad for us, his patients are only of the four legged variety. That's right, Dr. Jeff Ward, is our absolute favorite veterinarian.

      Dr. Ward is one of those rare people that are so intelligent and hard working he could be doing anything with his time and talents but fortunately for us he chose to take care of some of our favorite family members. I remember one of the things that most impressed me about Dr. Ward when I first visited his office many years ago. I took our dogs Bandit and Shadow in to see him for regular vaccinations and Dr. Ward just plopped right down on the floor with our two not-so-brave little boys and proceeded to get to know each one of them on their level. He spent several minutes just talking and playing with them and before long they decided that he was their new favorite person. We have had several different dogs throughout the years and the one thing they all had in common, besides being completely and helplessly spoiled, was that they all loved Dr. Ward and the wonderful employees at 70 West Veterinary Hospital.

      Dr. Ward is like a member of our family. He has seen us through some dark days and laughed with us through some better ones. He is always genuinely interested in what is going on in our lives. He catches up with us when we go in for exams and wants to know how everyone is doing. He is never too busy to talk or console or laugh a little.

      When our sweet dog Sophie got sick this past year it was Dr. Ward and his girls that helped us through it. I think that her passing affected them almost as much as it did us. She wasn't just a dog. She was family and they got that. It is the best thing in the world to have someone really truly understand your pain and help you through it. Dr. Ward and his affectionate staff have done just that for us many times through the years. They are kind, compassionate people that I am almost certain are hiding a few sets of wings under those lab coats.

      The difference between someone that does a good job and someone that does an exceptional job is passion. You can't learn it. You can't buy it and you certainly can't fake it. There is nothing quite like doing a job that you were made to do. Everyone around you can feel that energy, and I am not just talking about the humans. Sophie always loved going to see Dr. Ward. I think she thought of it as a play date of sorts. There was no reason to be scared or fearful. There was only love, hugs, kisses and more love. I believe in callings and I know one thing for sure, Dr. Ward has found his!

      This week we are giving Dr. Ward a long over due present. His favorite college team is the University of North Carolina so we had a soft fuzzy throw made for him sporting his favorite team's logo. We wrote him a nice thank you card and got the girls in the office a few yummies of their own.

      A great big thank you to Dr. Ward and his wonderful team for all of their hard work, love, patience, kindness and compassion. We love you all very much and are so fortunate to have you around to take care of our precious pets.

Laurie

P.S. You can read more about our sweet girl Sophie in There is Always Room for One More.

The Old Fashioned Thank You Card

      I am an avid junker. I love to go to yard sales, flea markets and auctions. There is just something about that musty old stuff that commands my attention. Maybe it is the craftsmanship, the careful attention to detail, the quality of the materials or the history of the antique pieces but I tend to prefer the old to the new most of the time. I recently thumbed through a worn book that I picked up on one of my many treasure hunting trips and I came across a small decorative piece of paper. It was made of nice stock and was roughly the size of a modern day business card. It was an exquisite piece of miniature artwork decorated with beautiful flowers and elegant designs. It turned out to be a victorian calling card. It had a place for the callers name and a short greeting. Apparently, the caller left their card on a tray or bowl by the front door so that the hostess had a record of who stopped by that day. They left it whether the person was home or not. Fascinating, really, how complicated high society could be in the victorian era. A card with a folded corner meant that the caller had come in person as opposed to having a servant drop it off. They left cards to announce their moving to a new town or to offer their condolences or congratulations. It was a formal way of letting someone know you were thinking of them or that you were interested in spending more time with them. Socializing was a big deal, just done a little differently than in a technological age. The whole process seems rather formal and structured by today's standards. I have to admit though there is something rather romantic about dressing up, gathering my calling cards and dropping in on a few friends or better yet, having a servant leave a card for me. :) What a luxury to have that much time. I am lucky to get the opportunity to slow down long enough to fully chew my food, let alone find the time to go about town dropping off cards!

      Common courtesy was once held in the highest regard. There was more time and fewer distractions for things like visiting and welcoming someone to the neighborhood. Nowadays, it seems like everyone is in a great big hurry. We rush from one meeting or event to the next while constantly checking our phones  for emails, texts and social networking updates. We wear busy like a badge of honor but somewhere in all the madness and rush we lost something.

      Think about it. When's the last time you received an actual thank you card? Not an email or a text but a heart felt note of appreciation. My students still do this for me occasionally, I think because they don't have my cell phone number. :) Regardless of their motive, I cherish their sweet, handmade cards especially if they write me a note inside it. These seemingly unimportant cards act as a reminder of how sweet life really is. They help me focus on and remember the good times and the wonderful students who wrote them. People really underestimate the ability of the written word to communicate what we feel but cannot easily verbalize. In a world where the constant influx of information can be overwhelming sometimes we simply forget to say what needs to be said. We assume that people know how much we value and appreciate them but there is still great power in a heart felt thank you.

       This week's pay it forward involves just that, a few carefully written, sincere thank you notes. I am writing one to the lady that constantly lavishes her children's teachers with thoughtful little gifts in carefully decorated packages, for the neighbor that dropped off the rain barrel because they know I love to garden and for the talented photographer friend that takes the great pictures and gives everyone free copies, just because. These people find the time in their busy lives to do things for everyone else, so this week I want to let them know that their good deeds do not go unnoticed. I am going to plop myself down at my desk, dig out some pretty cards and write some good old fashioned thank you notes to some truly deserving folks. Who knows, maybe someone will come across one of them a hundred years from now and think man, I wish I had that much time.

Laurie

The Power of Prayer

      I believe in the power of prayer.

      When my infant daughter was facing a transfusion due to a blood disorder I thought my seemingly perfect world was falling apart. Here was this beautiful little baby that I was so anxious to meet and hold and love. All I wanted was to take her home like every other mother in the maternity ward but that was not going to happen, at least not right away. Maddie had severe jaundice. Her liver was refusing to kick in and it was causing damage to her fragile young body. Unbeknownst to the doctor my blood had dangerously large amounts of antibodies built up in it, enough to kill my little girl. She made it to delivery but she had obviously been under attack and at the time no one knew why. What started as a mild case of jaundice turned into my worst nightmare. The only hope we had of saving her was to perform a blood transfusion and that came with its own set of perilous risks. I could see it in the doctor's eyes. It was not something that he wanted to do. Maddie was weak, miserable, and helpless, just like her mama.

      It was early on a Sunday when the preacher stopped by to pay us a visit. We were still in the hospital even though Maddie had been born on Tuesday morning the week before. Mark, still one of my favorite preachers on the planet, said that he would have the church pray for us at the service later that day. I thanked him for remembering us and didn't think much more about it until they began the preparations to transfer Maddie to the hospital in Morgantown to perform the transfusion. The doctor decided to take one last blood count before he made his final decision and then it happened. Maddie's bilirubin suddenly went down. The way bilirubin works in babies is that once it begins its descent the risk greatly diminishes because that means that the liver is beginning to function. What it meant to me was that we were out of the woods! I looked at the clock. It was 10:45. They were praying at church. Some might say that it was all just a coincidence, but I believe that I had the opportunity to witness first hand what true heartfelt prayer can do.

      When something horrific happens like that F5 tornado that devastated parts of Oklahoma this week, we tend to feel helpless. There is nothing like viewing the damage from 200+ mph winds to make you feel insignificant and frail but we can help. We can give financially if we are able, we can help physically if we are nearby, but we can do something else as well. We can pray. Prayer creates a positive energy and when enough of us get together it's strength is magnified. So pray. Pray for Oklahoma. Pray for healing, for the return of joy, for peace, for stability, for strength, lots and lots of strength, and most importantly for love.

      While I will never understand why these horrific storms occur, I do know this: where there is darkness and heartbreak, light and love are not far behind. Tragedy and loss are often followed by touching stories of selfless sacrifice and grace. Healing might be a long time coming but it will come. For this week's pay it forward project I am going to make a donation to the Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund and I am going to do something of far greater value, I am going to pray.

Laurie

The Hard Working Carhop

      Last Friday was just one of those days. A crazy day at work. A meeting after and when I finally got home instead of looking forward to going out with my handsome husband on our newly reinstated date night, what do I do but fall asleep in the chair. Oh yeah, I'm a wild woman with the stamina of a teenager. Michael finally manages to wake me up and we head out. I was surprised that he was taking the lead. Usually I am the unofficial date night coordinator. Ah but tonight he had a plan to do something different. Things were looking up. Different is good.

      We head up to New Bern to get some ice cream. The only trouble was it was the night of the art walk which meant that it was really busy downtown. The only parking we could find was several blocks away and I am wearing those cute, not made for walking heels. I told him that walking just wasn't in the cards, so hello plan B. We head out of town away from the crowds to the Dairy Queen. Great I thought, he can get an ice cream and I can get something simple and quick to eat like a hot dog, after all I was starving. Michael orders his ice cream and the guy tells me politely that they don't serve food, only ice cream. Strike two. I said "Ok, I just want to go home and eat." Michael was not ready to give up just yet. "No," he says "let's try one more place" and he whips our little car into a Sonic.

      I love Sonic mostly because of the car hops. I feel like I'm back in the fifties or something. You remember the car hops. They are the servers that use to wear roller skates but now most of them just walk. The cost of liability insurance must have put an end to the skaters I guess. Anyway we pull up and place an order, a hotdog, a bottled water, tater tots and a chicken wrap. (Michael orders the chicken wrap. Felt guilty after the ice cream.) The lady that waited on us was the best. She was cheerful, kind and professional. Michael paid her and tipped her two bucks. We sat there in our parked car with the windows down, eating and chatting and listening to this great lady do her job. She spent the same amount of time and had the same fantastic attitude with every customer. It did not matter whether these patrons were arriving in junky no-way-I-get-a-tip-from-that-car vehicles or whether they were loud, boisterous teenagers that could not be bothered to tip at all. It did not matter, everybody got her best. She hustled, she smiled, she was simply a joy to watch. She was whipping around there like a crazy lady but I could tell she was tired. She would rest a little, just a little mind you, at each car window to catch a breather. She was not the youngest car hop working that night but she was putting her junior colleagues to shame.

      After awhile Michael and I got quiet and then we looked at each and said "You know, this is a great chance to pay it forward." Yeah, lets give this lady a decent tip. I called her back over to the window and told her what a fantastic job she was doing. "I know how hard it is to work in a busy restaurant on a Friday night. I, we, have done your job and I must say I don't think I have ever seen anyone do it better!" I looked her in the eye, grabbed her hand and placed two five dollar bills in it. "This isn't much, just ten dollars" I said, "but I want you to have it. I just want you to have a good tip tonight. I wish it could be more." She smiled a big, beautiful, genuine smile and told me that ten dollars was the best tip she got all day and it was a lot, to her. She was grateful for the money and the compliment. Michael and I both laughed as we watched her skip, yes I said skip, back into the restaurant. Michael looked at me and said "I thought I would never be able to right this ship tonight but hey, this turned out ok after all. We should do this every Friday!" Maybe we will darlin', maybe we will. :)

Laurie

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

      Everyone that will listen knows that I LOVE my job. That is no secret. Part of the reason I love it so much are my students, again no secret. The part that is not so obvious is that I also have the privilege of spending my days with some incredibly awesome coworkers. I have always had that opportunity at Tucker Creek but I have not always appreciated it to the fullest extent or even taken the time to notice just how cool some of these people really are. I have written about Ann, she is my low maintenance friend and a favorite confidant. I have written about the ridiculously fabulous Ms. Vickie who is my daily source of sunshine and I have even written about my retired friends like B. Dail and Lu. These ladies are all wonderful and I have been fortunate enough to get to know them and spend a great deal of time with them over the years. I would not trade a single one of them but this weeks blog is devoted to the newbies.

      Melissa Orr has been working at Tucker Creek for several years. She is rapidly becoming a seasoned professional and an asset to the school. She is intelligent, witty, fun, beautiful and the best research paper editor a girl could ever ask for. (And did I mention single?) :) In the short time that I have known her she has never been too busy, overwhelmed or stressed to help me out when I needed it most. When everybody else gave me an excuse, she gave me a smile and a yes. The best part of all is that she takes her payment in the form of no bake cookies. Melissa had the awful job of proctoring my comprehensive final exam for my masters a couple of weeks ago. The poor girl sat there for over six hours while I cranked out a whopping eighteen pages of I don't know what. I offered to pay her but she flatly refused. She said that the only thing she wanted was for me to have her over for dinner sometime. I thought that was the sweetest thing.  She has done so much for me and all she wanted in return was a little home cooking and a little time. That simple request spoke volumes about her character. She is an old soul and I enjoy her company immensely.

      Another favorite newbie is Denise. She is brilliant, organized and positive. She has the uncanny ability to make you feel as though you are the only other person on the planet and that what you are talking to her about in that moment is of the utmost importance. She will stop everything to listen to my latest crazy lesson plan idea or join in on my excitement about the next Junior Civitans project or the fantastic book I just read or my most recent blog. She gives you undivided attention and anyone that works with kids knows what a rare commodity that is these days. Denise took me out for ice cream the other day to celebrate the completion of my degree. It was such a kind and unexpected gesture. She made my day! I loved talking and spending time with her.

      Both these ladies supported me as I was finishing up my never ending masters work and both shared in my joy when it was finally over. Both of them have been unbelievably encouraging when it came to writing this blog especially in the beginning when my insecurities were getting the best of me. Talking to them always made me feel better. I am very grateful to have them in my life. My goal is to be the kind of friend that is deserving of such awesomeness. So for this week's pay it forward I am going to figure out ways to honor my wonderful friends. I am going to finally bake those cookies and plan those dinner parties for my Melissa and since Denise is looking for a workout partner I am going to commit to a regular fitness routine with her on a weekly basis. (Here's hoping I can keep up!) In addition I am going to come up with some other random acts of kindness to do throughout the remainder of the school year and well into the next. I am going to make a conscious effort to value and contribute to our friendships on a regular basis. With my work load lightened a bit perhaps now I will get the chance to be there for them just like they have always been there for me.

Laurie

Nothing Great Gets Done Alone

      I just recently completed my masters degree in history. It was a grueling ride. It took four years to get there, one challenging class at a time. I had a great deal of things vying for my attention besides the ever present school work. There was the day job, the part time work and the endless stream of laundry. I'd like to be able to say that I maintained at least marginal cleanliness and order during my ordeal but let's face it, that would be a lie. I made peace with the dust bunnies and chose to ignore the mountains of paperwork and piles of clutter accumulating in the corner. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Through the chaos there were tears, laughter and the occasional panic attack. Looking back now, I can safely say that it was worth it.

      I learned a great deal from this experience. I became fluent in the unnatural language of "scholarly journals" which I believe rank right up there among the most difficult dialects in the world to decipher.  I learned that a sense of humor is not always appreciated by the intellectuals that make up the world of academia. My colleagues were all business the majority of the time but when they did cut loose they had the ability to unveil a whole other level of funny. (Think Big Bang Theory on steroids.) I finally acquired the fine art of gathering pertinent information without reading every single word of the text. I learned that grammar actually had the nerve to change over the past twenty years. (Really? I didn't even know that was possible!) I discovered that you are never too old to learn, grow or dream. I learned that sometimes the best students are the old folks and most importantly I figured out that any great accomplishment is never achieved alone.

     Epaminondas could never have beaten the mighty Spartans without the help of his Sacred Band. Justinian would never have enjoyed his prosperous career as a Byzantine Emperor had it not been for the bravery and tenacity of his wife, Theodora and I could have never, ever completed this masters without the help of my wonderful husband, patient children and loving parents.

      Michael and I have been married for twenty one years. Not bad considering that both of us had some pretty serious commitment issues prior to getting together. One thing that has remained consistent throughout our marriage is that we always have each other's back, no matter what. When he wanted to go into physical education, I encouraged him and when I decided at thirty to go back to school and get an interior design degree, he returned the favor. Oh we have our disagreements and we have had our share of ups and downs like any couple but we always seem to meet somewhere in the middle. I am fortunate to have such a wonderful man in my life and for this weeks pay it forward I am going to do something that I know will make him deliriously happy. That's right, I am going to clean out the garage!

      The current state of our house resembles a disorderly war zone. There just has not been any time to do the things that need done. Michael has always wanted a work area in the garage but that has been impossible due to the junk that we, well mostly I, have accumulated over the years. It is so bad that every time we try to organize the garage we end up with so much stuff in the driveway that folks start slowing down to see if we are having a yard sale. So I am going to devote at least a couple of hours every week to working on the garage as my thank you gift to Michael for all his patience and help over the past few years and I figure by this time next year I should have the job completed. ;) In addition I am going to make sure that he knows just how much I value his loyalty, strength, devotion, patience and unconditional love. Michael remains one of the finest gifts of my life. He is all I could have ever hoped for and much, much more. How lucky I am to have been so blessed!

Laurie

Thank You

      One of the most rewarding groups that I have ever had the opportunity of working with are the Junior Civitans. These kids vary in age from eleven to fourteen. They have yet to earn a drivers license, pay taxes or vote and they have to ask permission just to leave the house, but they are making more of a difference in their community than many people twice their age. These kids organize and participate in school-wide service projects all year long. They work tirelessly in a yearly canned food drive to help replenish the local food pantry in town, they collect toys to donate to toys for tots every Christmas and they help pick up trash on school grounds and around the neighborhood. Their enthusiasm, positive attitudes and energy levels never cease to amaze me.

      The Jr. Civs are extremely excited about their current service project which involves creating care packages for deployed marines. This is especially important to them as many of their parents are currently serving in the armed forces and many have family members that are deployed right now. Our group adopted a unit that just recently left for Afghanistan. The kids obtained a wish list of items that these marines would appreciate. Their requests were very basic and simple: toiletries, pens, instant coffee, snacks, magazines, etc. I looked at their humble list and thought “Wow, we can do this.” 

      I wanted to help my kids jump start their campaign so I announced the project to each of my classes. I wasn’t expecting much, maybe a half hearted response at best.  To my surprise I had an adorable sixth grader drag two huge bags of donations to my classroom yesterday. She told me that her Daddy really liked getting care packages when he was deployed so her family went out over the weekend and got all of this stuff to help someone else. Now I don’t know her Daddy or her Mommy for that matter, but I like them already. My Jr. Civs members were delighted! They set about boxing up the items and discussed what else they could add. They began making thank you cards for the marines and telling them why they are so grateful for their service. 

      Their project got me thinking about what I would say to the marines in that unit if I got the chance. So I figured for this week’s pay it forward project, I’d do just that. Thank a marine. Here’s what my card says:

 Dear Marine, 

Thank you so much for the incredible job that you do!

Thank you for sacrificing so much for someone like me that you don’t even know. 

Thank you for doing your job even though that means leaving the common comforts of home on a regular basis.

Thank you for withstanding hours upon hours of loneliness, isolation and separation so that my family can enjoy the simple luxury of being together.

Thank you for missing milestones in your children’s lives so that all our kids can live in a world of infinite opportunities. 

Thank you for enduring physical and psychological pain that I could never understand or bear.

Because of you, I sleep easy. 

Because of you, I have the opportunity to enjoy my life in a country that I love. 

Because of you, I know my children have a secure and bright future. 

Because of you, I know freedoms that many women only dream of. 

Because of your sacrifices, your strength and your commitment, I have hope. 

So keep doing what you are doing marine. You will always have someone praying for you back here in Havelock. May God bless and keep you. Stay safe and strong. 

Laurie

The Least I Can Do

If Alzheimer’s Disease were a human it would most likely resemble a malicious thief cloaked in black with an evil glare and a wicked grin. Once he gains entry into your world he does not go for the usual bait. He has no interest in the flat screen TV, the expensive laptop or even the diamond necklace. This villain goes after the real treasure, that which you hold near and dear to your heart, the most valuable of possessions, your memories.

It seems so unfair. My grandmother, Marianna Naylor, spent a lifetime putting everyone else first. She is a wonderful woman. In her youth she played basketball and a mean round of golf. Her grandkids called her lead foot because we knew that when you rode with Nana you were gonna get there in a hurry. This was one busy lady and she did not have time to fool around. When she got behind the wheel she thought she was Mario Andretti and she was going to get from point A to point B without wasting one precious second. I LOVED her car rides! On those back country roads, it was the next best thing to a roller coaster! :)

My grandfather died when Nana was in her forties. She eventually remarried. Her second husband Bill lost his first wife to cancer. They had one son Billy, who was severely mentally disabled. He lived in a school geared toward dealing with his disabilities most of his life. He would come home for breaks throughout the year during holidays and in the summer. Billy was unable to do much of anything without assistance. So Nana, being the type of person that she was, would bath him, dress him, feed him and care for him whenever he was home. Truth be told she spoiled him a bit too. The two things in this world that Billy liked best were ice cream and listening to his records. Billy was unable to talk but that didn’t mean that he could not communicate. He would slap his leg repeatedly to express his approval or excitement. He would look away to tell you no. I remember Nana asking him if he would like some ice cream and he would respond with a big smile and multiple thigh slaps. Even after Bill died, Nana still continued to visit and care for Billy. I remember as a young, clueless teenager asking her once why she felt so guilty about not getting to see him as often as she did. “He isn’t even yours, Nana.” I said. She told me that his mother was a lovely person and if something had happened to her she would want someone to take care of her children for her. “It’s the least I can do, Laurie” she said. It never even occurred to her not to love him as her own.

Nana was a lady that believed in giving back. I remember her working with the civic club each year around Autumn Glory. That was a big festival in her hometown and she almost always spent it working or helping out in some way. Every year she would make the long trip down off the mountain to go and peel apples for the Apple Harvest Festival to benefit the Methodist Children’s Home in Burlington, WV. She was always busy with her church and she never hesitated to help out someone in need. Nana was a good friend not only to the women that she knew her whole life but to me. She was the one person I knew growing up, that I could tell anything in the world to. There were many times that I bared my soul on her back porch over some cookies and a glass of milk. She would listen carefully and offer up little gems of wisdom that I was usually too stubborn to follow. Still, she had her little victories. There were many stupid mistakes that she kept me from making. Many wrong paths that she helped me avoid. She guided me in a remarkably kind, caring, almost passive way. Heck, that’s probably why I listened to her. She never judged me or anyone else. She was and still is my hero. 

I don’t get to see my Nana as often as I would like. Her time is split between my aunt’s house in Atlanta and my parent's home in Maryland. I try to write or call as often as I can but talking to her sometimes is heartbreaking. Nana has Alzheimer’s and it is slowly taking her away. She still knows who I am but she forgets my children’s names. She will ask me the same question about how old they are and what grade they are in several times in the same conversation. She gets increasingly frustrated with not being able to remember things and her sentences are starting to become confused and somewhat garbled. Seeing someone as beautiful inside and out as my dear grandmother succumb to this ghastly disease seems so completely unjust and wrong. I was praying (whining would be a better word) about it to God the other day when it hit me. Nana may have Alzheimer’s but she also has two devoted daughters at her side to care for her. She is surrounded by family and loved ones and that is a huge blessing. I have to believe that God has and will continue to look out for my Nana not just because of all the good she has done in her lifetime but because of the kind of God that He is. Nana has spent a lifetime planting seed and one day, I know she will be in a place where she will be able to reap what she has sown. Where her good deeds will shine like stars in the night sky and the selfless love that she has shown will be celebrated and more importantly remembered.

I want to cherish every moment I get with my grandmother so for this week’s pay it forward I am going to get pictures of my family developed weekly to send to her with brief descriptions of who and what is going on in the photo. Hopefully it will make help her feel more involved and when she is having a bad day maybe it will help to jar her memory. I love her so much. She has taught me more than she will ever know and if she asks me why I’m doing this, I’ll tell her “It’s the least I can do, Nana.” 

Laurie