Just Be

      I believe in taking a few minutes each day to just be. I have learned from years of experience, big work loads and high stress levels that learning to slow down, just a little every day is the difference between a freaked out Laurie and a "how can I help you" Laurie. It is easy, for me at least, to get wrapped up in the day to day grind. The responsibilities, the work, the duties, the "get er done" stuff can easily consume me if I'm not careful.

      I can usually handle the non stop rush for a few days or so before I begin to crack. First there is a quick, snappy response followed by an uncharacteristically mean one and finally I retreat inside myself, not noticing anything or anyone but the work at hand. What a waste of my time, of precious resources, of life. When I get like that I miss the big picture, the reason for being here. So, I meditate. I pray. I sit still, no matter how difficult that may be, and I let God calm me down. I give him permission, like he needs it, to run the show for just a little while.

      This daily break is a form of therapy for me and it truly works wonders.  It is during such sessions that I have the time to breathe, to think, to be inspired. I am always on the look out for the next pay it forward opportunity and I am sure that it is no coincidence that those ideas flow more easily during these down times. I have found through the years that most of my questions get answered if only I take the time to listen for the response.

      This weeks pay it forward idea came during one such be still session and it is such a simple one. This week I decided to do something nice for my favorite local businesses. I got a Yelp account and went online to write some reviews. It was such an easy thing to do but I know from being in business myself how helpful it is to read not only what you can improve on but what you are doing right. It is a difficult climate for businesses right now and as an owner and a manager it is frustrating sometimes to be in charge of so many other people. Everything they do reflects on you, good or bad. So this week, I decided to help them see the good and catch them doing something right. I wrote honest, heart felt reviews about the businesses that my family and I frequent on a regular basis and why we do so. I hope that it gives some overworked managers and their employees a boost today!

      I hope you have a wonderful day and a great weekend, and don't forget to take a minute or two to recharge you batteries and just be. :)

Laurie

Enjoying the Visit

      A few weeks ago I was certain that I was kissing my sweet grandmother goodbye for the last time. I guess Nana and God had other plans and I was thankful to be wrong yet again. Nana is still recuperating from her heart attack which is complicated by the Alzheimer's but this all could have been so much worse. She was literally on death's door. Now she resides at Dennett Road Nursing Home. I'm not sure she totally knows where she is but she seems happy to be there. She lights up when she recognizes one of her favorite nurses and tells her how much she loves her. She knows where her room is located, most of the time and seems content to rest there. She happily points out where she eats her meals and seems genuinely thrilled to see her new found friends. (If she happens to forget them, no worries, she usually starts liking them all over again tomorrow.) It certainly pays to be positive. The nurses love her and so do I!

      I really enjoyed my visit with Nana. My mother and I took her out to lunch and to get her nails done. What we did didn't matter. I just enjoyed being with her. We sat and talked in the lobby of the nursing home and I must say it was rather entertaining. I watched as the incredibly patient staff dealt with some of the more challenging residents. One lady was quite cranky and tried to pull the hair of the nurse that vainly attempted to return her to her room. One constantly plotted her escape when she thought no one was watching and the cutest one was a sweet, lost soul who kept wondering the halls and crawling into bed with any resident that left their door open. That caused quite a raucous to be sure!

      As I sat watching all of this I also saw some wonderful displays of human kindness and love. I witnessed a very caring nurse hug her patient and tell them that she loved them. I saw family members making their weekly visits with a couple of the cutest babies I have ever seen and I watched in awe the transformation from loneliness to pure joy as the residents greeted their visitors. I learned that it doesn't take much to get that sort of reaction.

      Nana has a friend there, her name is Joanne. As we sat chatting Joanne mentioned that some of the residents had been asking the administrators for a chess board. "One of the nice ones," she said. "The kind with a checker board on the back." I asked her if she would be able to find someone to play with. "Sure," she said. "I have a couple of friends who still like to play cards and would love to play chess." We joked with her that Nana use to be an awesome bridge player but nowadays when she plays cards she changes games on you midway through. You never really know what you are playing unless you ask. No worries. It makes things interesting and she usually wins.  

      I am sure by now you have probably figured out the pay it forward. Yeah, I just had to get them a chess board. I delivered it to Joanne who looked like someone just gave her an awesome Christmas gift.  She thanked me and made a beeline for the cafeteria tables where she happily set up her new chess set. By the time I left she had recruited a friend and was patiently reminding them how to move each piece. It did my heart good to make her smile if only for a little while.

      You know, I use to dread visiting hospitals and the like. Now because of my Nana, Joanne and some sweet residents of a remarkably well run nursing home, I look forward to it. :)

Laurie

   


     

Good Vibrations

      Some might say that I am a gifted hoarder. I have managed in the eleven years that I have worked at my current job to put together quite a plethora of art supplies. Now to the untrained eye these treasures might be mistaken for mere trash but to the art teacher things like toilet paper rolls, beads and yarn are crafter's gold. We don't see the world the same as other people. Where some normal person might see a milk carton we see a cleverly decorated piece of gothic architecture decked out in full Halloween splendor. They see a styrofoam meat tray and the art teacher sees the basis for a beautiful stamp design. So we are hoarders by our very nature. Art teachers carefully store supplies during the education years of plenty to get us through the inevitable years of famine. We have to prepare so that when the next politician comes along using all his infinite wisdom to convince folks that art doesn't matter and cuts our funding, we are ready!  

      This week I got an email announcing the first art meeting of the school year. Now to be brutally honest I was not terribly excited. It isn't that I don't love my job and all that goes with it but I already have quite a full plate at the present and well who really looks forward to another meeting? Anyway the follow up  email mentioned something about an art supply swap happening at the get together since many of the art teachers are currently on tight budgets if they are fortunate enough to have any art budget at all. The whole idea behind it is, well you know the cliche, one person's junk is someone else's treasure.

     So after class on Monday I was rooting through the cavernous art closet adjacent to the art room trying to get one more thing knocked off my list before I went home. One of my favorite students was helping me with my task by jotting down all of the items I might be willing to spare for this upcoming supply swap. At first it was just a boring -what can I donate to the group-what do I really not want anyway- kind of thing. Now quite honestly I was not too enthused with my task until something clicked, I stopped and said "Wait a minute. There is an opportunity here." My favorite student who also happens to be the president of Junior Civitans knows me well. She knows all about my little weekly projects. We looked at each other as if to say "Pay it Forward." I smiled and she smiled a big smile back. "Let's try an experiment." I said. She grinned. I told her about this theory of mine that what we put out there comes back. "It's like sending out good vibrations and waiting to see how those ripples effect someone else as well as yourself," I told her. "So let's pack a really cool swap box with good junk and stuff that folks would actually want, not just the bottom of the deck things I am willing to part with. I'm going to put in some really cool items that I would not normally give away and let's see how long it takes for something good to come back to me and my art classes." My sweet student lit up "Yeah, Mrs. Sloan. Let's do the experiment! Pay it forward!" Did I say that she is my favorite?

      The whole energy in the room changed. We started moving around the closet noting what we thought was cool and what we thought other teachers might ew and ah over and we had a ball doing it! All that is left now is to pack everything up and haul it to the meeting. I get to clear out my stuffed supply cabinet and help out some colleagues at the same time. Win/win.

      The coolest thing about this whole project was that it wasn't just the clutter in my closet that began to disappear. I also unloaded some nasty internal garbage that had been accumulating for far too long like fear, selfishness, and control. No more worrying that if I give those supplies away I might need them tomorrow. That's ok. If I haven't used them yet, I probably won't need them after all and someone else will benefit from them sooner rather than later. No more thinking that I worked hard to collect all of this stuff, this should be used for my students. Instead of helping just myself, I get the joy of knowing that another teacher benefitted from my endless hoarding and more importantly so did some other students. No more of the I have to keep all of this stuff because it gives me some sense of control over my circumstances. Let's face it, I was never that organized to begin with. :)

      Now instead of dreading the meeting, I am looking forward to it. I might just get the chance to make some other educator's day and I am curious to see if our theory of good vibrations holds true.
To be continued...

Laurie

True Success

      I have been thinking a lot this week about what it means to have a successful life. Our culture would have us believe the old adage "He who finishes with the most toys wins." I fell prey to that one myself once upon a time. It is easy to believe that true success involves some tangible markers like a large house, nice clothes, a little bling and a fancy ride. I have none of those things. I couldn't even begin to tell you what the current fashion trends are and my car is so old that the paint job probably wouldn't be able to withstand a high powered pressure wash, not that I would even bother. At some point it just doesn't matter anymore.

      My idea of success has undergone a few changes through the years and to be totally honest, it is still a work under construction. I use to have a poster that hung in my college dorm room of this gorgeous mansion with a six car garage that housed a remarkable collection of sports cars including a Lamborghini, a Ferrari, a Porsche, well you get the picture. Anyway the poster read "Justification For Higher Education." I remember thinking "Yeah, I might live in a shack but I will drive a car like that one day!" Man, did I have a lot to learn. Today those cars wouldn't even be on my radar and I think maybe, that is a good thing.

      I think that true success involves learning how to look past the material stuff and start really caring about the heart stuff. It requires a restructuring of the human ego so that we learn to value one another's needs more than our own. I think one way God achieves this type of transformation is by giving us children since, as my dear mother would say, the fact that they are still alive is evidence that we have come a long way. :)

      I think another valuable way that God teaches us to love is through our families, friends and the oh so unlovable folks that are always creeping into our lives without permission. For me, one of the best "love" teachers in my life was my grandmother. Marianna listened when no one else would, (or when the rest exited the room from sheer exhaustion) she empathized, she cared, she attempted to understand and she loved me when I was quite frankly, unlovable. I had no idea what a remarkable thing that was until later in life when I became a teacher and started mentoring my own students. All any child wants, heck all any human being wants is for someone to listen, really listen.

      Success is, to paraphrase Mother Teresa, loving them anyway. Being there for that bratty child who you would really like to send packing but understanding that on a deeper level it is always the annoying ones that need you the most. Success is knowing that time spent loving someone through something is never, ever time wasted. Success is the realization that schedules and to do lists are great but God is in the interruptions. It is understanding that we are here to ease one another's sorrow, to help, to care, to mend. All those awesome cars and beautiful clothes won't matter one big ol' hill of beans if we don't learn how to love.

      The trouble with stuff is that we have to work so hard to get it, to keep it and to maintain it, that we don't have enough time for the things, no the people that really matter. My Nana taught me that. She always had time for me. She still does. In honor of her, this weeks pay it forward will be a series of cards and letters sent to my Nana's nursing home attempting in my own feeble way to help her understand why her life was so incredibly valuable and successful. I just finished my first one and I cried all the way through it. I have to be sure that she understands what an important role she has played in my life and how truly grateful I am for her lessons.

Laurie

The First Law of Thermodynamics

      The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I got a surprise call, left on my phone in the middle of the night. You know the kind of call I'm talking about, the sort that everyone dreads. "Nana is very sick. She has been taken to the emergency room. We will let you know something as soon as we can." Yeah, that is almost never good. I went to work wishing that I could stay home by the phone but knowing that the distraction would be a welcome break from the constant worrying. The call came early, right after the morning rounds at the hospital. It was a heart attack. Really a series of heart attacks. They were still actively occurring and there were multiple blood clots in her lungs. I left work right away and began the nine hour trek home. I arrived well past visiting hours and was not expecting to see Nana until the following morning. I was so grateful when they let me in that evening. She was tired, confused and hurting. When we asked her where she hurt, she couldn't pinpoint it. She just didn't feel well and all she wanted to do was sleep. I got to stay with her and hold her hand. I got to tell her how much I love her and hear her say it again to me one more time. She was ready to die. There was no fear. No worry. At least on her part. 

      While I was visiting my dear grandmother, I got to experience one of the most powerful pay it forwards that I have ever seen, performed by a couple of completely imperfect, unprepared but loving individuals. Nana has two daughters, my mother Karen and my aunt Pam. Nana has not lived in her own house for the past thirteen years or so. She moved in with Mom right after she finished construction on her current home. Nana split her time between Maryland with Mom and Atlanta with Pam. The sisters made certain that she had whatever she needed, wherever she was. In return Nana was always helping out by doing the grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, ironing or cleaning. Nana always reminded me of the trains in that Thomas the Tank Engine cartoon that my kids made me watch like a gazillion times when they were little. She always wanted to be a "really useful engine." When Nana finally had to give up driving, it just about killed her. She didn't feel like she could affectively contribute anymore. She loved going to the grocery store and now she could not do that without relying on someone to take her and that just wasn't her style. 

      Nana's slow deterioration was painful to watch. Alzheimer's was taking its toll. This past year was the hardest. She would ask us all again and again how old we were and she would get the great grands confused. She had this crazy herding tendency. She wouldn't rest until everyone was corralled at home and everyone was safe. Unfortunately for my Mom and Pam that meant that she needed to know about every short trip out of the room, not that she would remember once they told her. It must have been very scary for her and extremely frustrating for them. 

      The sisters have endured years and years of Alzheimer's and tried their best to love Nana through it. It meant a great many sacrifices on their parts but I never once heard either of them complain. As I watched them tend to her and sit with her around the clock at the hospital I thought of how lucky she was to have raised such great daughters that would put their lives on hold to be with their ailing mother. They were both tired and stressed but they never let Nana know it. They did her nails, brushed her hair and fed her. All I could think of while I was there was how lucky Nana was to have them. How much they loved each other was apparent to everyone, the nurses, the relatives, the visitors. 

      Unfortunately the worst was yet to come. Nana did not die from the heart attacks or the blood clots but she was left unable to do even the simplest of tasks and the sisters faced the excruciating decision of putting her in a nursing home at least for the time being. It broke their hearts. They set about making her room as much like home as possible. They moved in her favorite chair, got her a bedspread for the bed and added touches from home. They just don't know what tomorrow might bring, but they are prepared to love her through it, whatever it is, no matter what.

      The first law of thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created or destroyed it only changes form. Nana told me that her mother Mary came to visit her one night while she was at the hospital. I smiled thinking how great it was that love never really dies either, like other forms of energy it simply undergoes its own type of transformation, from mother to daughter and back again.

      I am grateful for the beautiful lesson of love that I saw demonstrated by two equally beautiful women. Thanks to my mom and my aunt for taking such great care of my Nana. I pray that one day I will be able to return the favor on her behalf. 

Laurie

The Reversal

      A couple of weekends ago my family and I experienced a reverse pay it forward. That's right, this time we were the recipients of a good deed. Let me explain. We live near the water and we own a small boat that had been having a few minor issues lately. It is relatively new but it was suffering from lack of water time and as any boat owner can tell you, they run better when they are run often. Well due to circumstances beyond our control, Michael and I have been unable to take this little beauty out as frequently as we would like, so she is copping a bit of an attitude. When we took her out earlier this summer we noticed a strange sound in the engine so we brought her to the mechanic just to play it safe. He said everything was fine so when Michael, Maddie, and I decided to take it out for a short Sunday excursion we felt pretty confident that she would be up for the task. Fortunately we decided not to go out too far, just in case. 

      We had the boat out on the Neuse River and as we were turning to head in, it just died. The motor sputtered a little, let out a short cough and just like that, she was done. We were left to the mercy of the current in the big river that was taking us further and further away from home. Alright, I thought, I can use some down time. We will just hang out here with two scared little dogs, in the hot sun while a couple of extremely ominous storm clouds begin to take shape simultaneously off in the distance until we can find someone to come get us. No problem, yeah right! Who wants to spend their Sunday afternoon wandering out in a storm on the water to tow some helpless folks back to shore? Michael perused his contacts list on his phone and called a good friend of ours who has a boat and told him about the problem. Our friend's name is Rodney. He offered to drop what he was doing and put in his boat to come out and get us. Now I am sure that was not how he planned on spending his day but he did it anyway. No questions asked. No complaining. No trouble.

      It didn't matter that we hadn't talked in awhile or that I regularly fail to recognize him in his beefed up pickup truck as he passes my little mouse mobile waving energetically. It was of no concern to him that we may never be able to pay him back in that the likelihood of both our boat running and us being anywhere in the vicinity of the waterway at the same time that he might have a similar crisis must be astronomical. With our current schedules and luck the poor man would have a better chance at winning the lottery. No, none of that seemed to phase him. He refused payment several times as did his son. The only thing I could get them to consider accepting was a homemade pie. When I mentioned lemon meringue Rodney said "Now your are talking."

     I have never lived anywhere in which we have had the privilege of having such awesome friends. We have no family here, no close relatives nearby but we have always, always found help when we needed it. I feel very blessed by the people in this community that I call friends. I can't begin to count the number of folks that live right in this neighborhood that have been there for us through the years. Never once would they accept any form of reimbursement. Time and time again I hear the same sentiment. "We don't take payment from friends." 

     Well, Mr. Rodney, this time you are taking payment because I am bringing you a pie this weekend. I cannot be held responsible if the teenagers get to it before you do but I am honoring my part of the bargain, and should you happen to read this please know that I was never so happy to see anyone as I was to see you and your son on that Sunday afternoon. We can never thank you enough for being such awesome, thoughtful and kind neighbors! You have made us all feel very blessed. Thank you for your help and here's hoping we can return the favor one day. Until then, enjoy the pie! 

Laurie 

Sometimes It's Just Too Easy

     This past weekend was a busy one. It was the tax free weekend in North Carolina. It is the traditional school shopping weekend at our house for that very reason. Maddie bought her computer for college and Colton and I went shopping for his clothes, which he seems to outgrow almost weekly.

      Now when it comes to clothes shopping Colt is a bit of a divo, well sort of. The only place he will buy his clothes is JC Penney. Yeah, I know. Anyway, without JCP the boy would go around naked, so off we went to his favorite store. We gathered up a pretty impressive stack of clothes and drug them to the crowded dressing room. You know it is tax free weekend when even the guys dressing room is nearing capacity. Anyway, as I stood patiently waiting for Colt to try on his clothes, I engaged in one of my absolute favorite pastimes, people watching.

      I happened to notice another mom and her son working their way through the men's section and stopping occasionally to browse through the endless array of racks. The son was selecting items and the mom was looking at the price tags, shaking her head and putting them back. Every now and then they seemed to agree on something and she added it to her pile. They made their way past me and I turned my gaze to the next set of mother/son pairs many of which exhibited a similar shopping pattern. I felt kind of ashamed. Here I was just recently complaining about my station in life and right in front of me were so many folks obviously worse off than I was with their own set of trials and battles to fight.

      As Colt and I made our way to the check out counter with our arms full of new school clothes, I said a short prayer of thanks for the ability to buy these things for my son. I took out my credit card and a coupon that I had saved and gave them to the cashier. She smiled and said "This coupon is a good one. You can use it as much as you like in the next 24 hours and you can choose between 15% or $10 off your purchase whichever works out best." I smiled, grateful for a small break to my budget. It's a shame I won't be back tomorrow, I thought. Then who should appear next to me at the check out but one of the mothers that I had observed earlier and her son. I grinned, thinking sometimes this pay it forward thing is just too easy. "Do you have a coupon?" I asked her. "No." She responded. I said, "Would you like one?" As Colt and I walked out the door, he looked at me and said, "That was cool, Mom." Yeah, I thought, that kind of was. :)

Laurie