Even Small Acts of Kindness Count

      When I started writing this blog, I had no idea where it would lead. I have found that these little weekly experiments have prompted a change in my thoughts and my actions. Sometimes it is the really small changes that turn out to have a big impact.

      Like most people we get bombarded at work with a daily barrage of emails and that is after the system weeds out the junk mail and spam. My usual method is to read only those emails that pertain directly to me and delete everything else. This year however, I made it a point to answer all of the emails that asked for nominations for some honorable teaching award or some well paid fellowship. The old me would not have wasted time on anything that did not directly benefit me in some shape or form. This year because of the pay it forward thing, I decided to answer a few of these emails and nominate some colleagues for some well deserving awards.

      There was this fellowship sponsored by the North Carolina Museum of Art. They were looking for math and science teachers that could help write and promote inspiring lesson plans incorporating art and technology into the core subjects. The email was sent to everyone that had worked with the museum looking for possible candidates. Now normally I would have sent this email to the little trash can but this year I am always on the lookout for a good pay it forward project so I figured what the heck, I'll forward this email to one of the most talented teachers I know who just happens to be licensed in math and science.

      John Scarfpin is not your average teacher. He isn't your average guy for that matter. I remember the last big hurricane we had here in North Carolina. John was one of the first people I saw out and about. He wasn't assessing his own damage like everyone else, no John went checking on his friends and colleagues to see if he could help in anyway with clean up, by running to the store for supplies, etc. I worked with John at the time but I work with a lot of people. I never expected to see any of them at my door just to see if I was Ok or if I needed their help in anyway.

     As a teacher John is phenomenal, always looking for new and unusual ways to inspire his students. He would never shy awake from any sort of work especially if it meant that he might have the opportunity to reach just one more kid. I admire him and aspire to be more like him. So when I read about this fellowship, John was the first person that came to mind. I forwarded the email with the necessary information on the fellowship to him not thinking that anything would become of it. Then a couple of weeks ago in true Scarfpin fashion I got a thank you note from John letting me know that out of all of the hundreds of applicants across the state, he had won. He was grateful for the information and wanted to thank me for remembering him. It was a wonderful opportunity and I am so happy for my friend. I can't wait to see what awesome, inspiring lessons he creates.

      All I could think about was how many times I missed out on such an easy pay it forward opportunity. I am now more dedicated than ever to promoting the great teachers that I have the privilege of working with and to think, it was all because of a simple pay it forward quest that I almost didn't do. Lesson learned. Even small, seemingly insignificant acts of kindness can have a big impact. :)

Laurie

Art Lessons

      One of the highlights of my childhood was art lessons on Mrs. Schramm's back porch. Mrs. Schramm, a wonderfully patient older lady that was a terrific artist in her own right, gave lessons to two or three kids at a time from the comfort of her own back porch. It had been finished off as an addition of sorts with windows and a door. It didn't have heat but it had lots of brilliant light and the enclosure provided a place to paint year round. When it got cooler the area was warmed by the heat from the main house that came out the interior door to the kitchen which Mrs. Schramm never bothered to close. I'm pretty sure the cats would have objected. They had free reign of the entire house. The numerous felines kept us company as we carefully attempted to get our masterpieces down on canvas. There was one that took a special liking to me and enjoyed curling up behind my easel for his afternoon nap. I loved him but I was so allergic that my eyes would swell shut if I touched him, so I kept my distance. We had an understanding that cat and I. I'd leave him to his endless slumber and he wouldn't come around to the front of the canvas and turn me into an inflamed looking zombie child.

      My art lesson was always right after school. Mrs. Schramm knew that we would be starving so at each easel she generously provided a plate of homemade cookies and a large glass of milk. The fresh baked cookies alone were worth the price of admission. As I recall she didn't charge very much to begin with. It was never about the money anyway.

      My painting station was situated so that my back was to the outside door and on my right was a large multi paned glass window which allowed for wonderful light. That room was a painter's paradise. The light was perfect around four in the afternoon. It was a soft, white light. It's funny, I can't remember what I did last week, but I can remember almost every detail of that porch. The way it smelled, the stand I put my art box on, the clothespin she used to keep my inspiration picture in place, the big tree I passed in the back yard walking in, it is all as clear as if it were yesterday. Things were simple then. I went to school and one day a week I got to paint. I looked forward to that hour and a half. Mom said that she would drop off one child and pick up another. During the time in between that whiny, combative girl miraculously turned into a delightfully happy soul. My weekly metamorphous occurred in under ninety minutes. The transformation began as soon as I hit that door. There was something about that place that provided me with true, uninterrupted happiness. I felt connected to it. I felt connected to Mrs. Schramm, like kindred spirits.

      Mrs. Schramm's beautiful personality was part of the total experience. She was happy, relaxed and pleasant. She enjoyed teaching us to paint. She never got bent out of shape, no matter how immature and off task that boy in the corner became. I did notice however that after a few such sessions he did not return. No great loss, the cat and I never liked him anyway.

      Art and painting in particular provided me with an outlet from whatever ailed me. It made everything go away for a little while and it gave me a chance to recharge my batteries and get back in touch with the person that I was meant to be, not the stressed out perfectionist that too often dominated my moods.

      Now as an art teacher myself I get to see the transformative power of art in a child's life every day at school. I am always amazed at how quickly the human spirit can heal itself given enough time and an ample amount of paint. I began offering art lessons to students who loved my class but wanted the experience to last more than a semester. I have had a few takers for this summer and as I was discussing the particulars with them after school I noticed that one of my favorite students became a little sad. I think that she would have been the first to sign up had it not been for the cost. So I decided that this would be a great opportunity for a pay it forward. I pulled her aside and told her that I would love for her to take some art lessons and that I would offer them to her free of charge as a way to pay her back for all of her hard work in my class. She is constantly helping me with everything from Jr. Civitan's projects, to art room cleaning duties, to assisting other classmates. She is a talented, deserving young lady and I can't wait to see what see creates! After all, it was never about the money anyway.

Laurie

The Good Doctor

      I am so excited about this week's pay it forward! It goes out to one of the best doctors I know. Now this guy is not your every day run of the mill doc. He doesn't make you wait in his waiting room until your butt goes numb from sitting. He will actually talk to you personally over the phone instead of using a nurse as the go between. His ego remains perfectly in check at all times. He harbors no God tendencies or superiority complexes. He doesn't try to figure out ways to inflate your bill so he can squeeze some more money out of the insurance companies or your pocket. He actually engages people in real live conversations that take longer than 2.5 minutes.  He doesn't drive a Porsche or live in a mansion and get this, he truly loves, that's right I said loves, his patients. No, this is not an ordinary doctor folks, this is a one in a million! Too bad for us, his patients are only of the four legged variety. That's right, Dr. Jeff Ward, is our absolute favorite veterinarian.

      Dr. Ward is one of those rare people that are so intelligent and hard working he could be doing anything with his time and talents but fortunately for us he chose to take care of some of our favorite family members. I remember one of the things that most impressed me about Dr. Ward when I first visited his office many years ago. I took our dogs Bandit and Shadow in to see him for regular vaccinations and Dr. Ward just plopped right down on the floor with our two not-so-brave little boys and proceeded to get to know each one of them on their level. He spent several minutes just talking and playing with them and before long they decided that he was their new favorite person. We have had several different dogs throughout the years and the one thing they all had in common, besides being completely and helplessly spoiled, was that they all loved Dr. Ward and the wonderful employees at 70 West Veterinary Hospital.

      Dr. Ward is like a member of our family. He has seen us through some dark days and laughed with us through some better ones. He is always genuinely interested in what is going on in our lives. He catches up with us when we go in for exams and wants to know how everyone is doing. He is never too busy to talk or console or laugh a little.

      When our sweet dog Sophie got sick this past year it was Dr. Ward and his girls that helped us through it. I think that her passing affected them almost as much as it did us. She wasn't just a dog. She was family and they got that. It is the best thing in the world to have someone really truly understand your pain and help you through it. Dr. Ward and his affectionate staff have done just that for us many times through the years. They are kind, compassionate people that I am almost certain are hiding a few sets of wings under those lab coats.

      The difference between someone that does a good job and someone that does an exceptional job is passion. You can't learn it. You can't buy it and you certainly can't fake it. There is nothing quite like doing a job that you were made to do. Everyone around you can feel that energy, and I am not just talking about the humans. Sophie always loved going to see Dr. Ward. I think she thought of it as a play date of sorts. There was no reason to be scared or fearful. There was only love, hugs, kisses and more love. I believe in callings and I know one thing for sure, Dr. Ward has found his!

      This week we are giving Dr. Ward a long over due present. His favorite college team is the University of North Carolina so we had a soft fuzzy throw made for him sporting his favorite team's logo. We wrote him a nice thank you card and got the girls in the office a few yummies of their own.

      A great big thank you to Dr. Ward and his wonderful team for all of their hard work, love, patience, kindness and compassion. We love you all very much and are so fortunate to have you around to take care of our precious pets.

Laurie

P.S. You can read more about our sweet girl Sophie in There is Always Room for One More.

The Old Fashioned Thank You Card

      I am an avid junker. I love to go to yard sales, flea markets and auctions. There is just something about that musty old stuff that commands my attention. Maybe it is the craftsmanship, the careful attention to detail, the quality of the materials or the history of the antique pieces but I tend to prefer the old to the new most of the time. I recently thumbed through a worn book that I picked up on one of my many treasure hunting trips and I came across a small decorative piece of paper. It was made of nice stock and was roughly the size of a modern day business card. It was an exquisite piece of miniature artwork decorated with beautiful flowers and elegant designs. It turned out to be a victorian calling card. It had a place for the callers name and a short greeting. Apparently, the caller left their card on a tray or bowl by the front door so that the hostess had a record of who stopped by that day. They left it whether the person was home or not. Fascinating, really, how complicated high society could be in the victorian era. A card with a folded corner meant that the caller had come in person as opposed to having a servant drop it off. They left cards to announce their moving to a new town or to offer their condolences or congratulations. It was a formal way of letting someone know you were thinking of them or that you were interested in spending more time with them. Socializing was a big deal, just done a little differently than in a technological age. The whole process seems rather formal and structured by today's standards. I have to admit though there is something rather romantic about dressing up, gathering my calling cards and dropping in on a few friends or better yet, having a servant leave a card for me. :) What a luxury to have that much time. I am lucky to get the opportunity to slow down long enough to fully chew my food, let alone find the time to go about town dropping off cards!

      Common courtesy was once held in the highest regard. There was more time and fewer distractions for things like visiting and welcoming someone to the neighborhood. Nowadays, it seems like everyone is in a great big hurry. We rush from one meeting or event to the next while constantly checking our phones  for emails, texts and social networking updates. We wear busy like a badge of honor but somewhere in all the madness and rush we lost something.

      Think about it. When's the last time you received an actual thank you card? Not an email or a text but a heart felt note of appreciation. My students still do this for me occasionally, I think because they don't have my cell phone number. :) Regardless of their motive, I cherish their sweet, handmade cards especially if they write me a note inside it. These seemingly unimportant cards act as a reminder of how sweet life really is. They help me focus on and remember the good times and the wonderful students who wrote them. People really underestimate the ability of the written word to communicate what we feel but cannot easily verbalize. In a world where the constant influx of information can be overwhelming sometimes we simply forget to say what needs to be said. We assume that people know how much we value and appreciate them but there is still great power in a heart felt thank you.

       This week's pay it forward involves just that, a few carefully written, sincere thank you notes. I am writing one to the lady that constantly lavishes her children's teachers with thoughtful little gifts in carefully decorated packages, for the neighbor that dropped off the rain barrel because they know I love to garden and for the talented photographer friend that takes the great pictures and gives everyone free copies, just because. These people find the time in their busy lives to do things for everyone else, so this week I want to let them know that their good deeds do not go unnoticed. I am going to plop myself down at my desk, dig out some pretty cards and write some good old fashioned thank you notes to some truly deserving folks. Who knows, maybe someone will come across one of them a hundred years from now and think man, I wish I had that much time.

Laurie

The Power of Prayer

      I believe in the power of prayer.

      When my infant daughter was facing a transfusion due to a blood disorder I thought my seemingly perfect world was falling apart. Here was this beautiful little baby that I was so anxious to meet and hold and love. All I wanted was to take her home like every other mother in the maternity ward but that was not going to happen, at least not right away. Maddie had severe jaundice. Her liver was refusing to kick in and it was causing damage to her fragile young body. Unbeknownst to the doctor my blood had dangerously large amounts of antibodies built up in it, enough to kill my little girl. She made it to delivery but she had obviously been under attack and at the time no one knew why. What started as a mild case of jaundice turned into my worst nightmare. The only hope we had of saving her was to perform a blood transfusion and that came with its own set of perilous risks. I could see it in the doctor's eyes. It was not something that he wanted to do. Maddie was weak, miserable, and helpless, just like her mama.

      It was early on a Sunday when the preacher stopped by to pay us a visit. We were still in the hospital even though Maddie had been born on Tuesday morning the week before. Mark, still one of my favorite preachers on the planet, said that he would have the church pray for us at the service later that day. I thanked him for remembering us and didn't think much more about it until they began the preparations to transfer Maddie to the hospital in Morgantown to perform the transfusion. The doctor decided to take one last blood count before he made his final decision and then it happened. Maddie's bilirubin suddenly went down. The way bilirubin works in babies is that once it begins its descent the risk greatly diminishes because that means that the liver is beginning to function. What it meant to me was that we were out of the woods! I looked at the clock. It was 10:45. They were praying at church. Some might say that it was all just a coincidence, but I believe that I had the opportunity to witness first hand what true heartfelt prayer can do.

      When something horrific happens like that F5 tornado that devastated parts of Oklahoma this week, we tend to feel helpless. There is nothing like viewing the damage from 200+ mph winds to make you feel insignificant and frail but we can help. We can give financially if we are able, we can help physically if we are nearby, but we can do something else as well. We can pray. Prayer creates a positive energy and when enough of us get together it's strength is magnified. So pray. Pray for Oklahoma. Pray for healing, for the return of joy, for peace, for stability, for strength, lots and lots of strength, and most importantly for love.

      While I will never understand why these horrific storms occur, I do know this: where there is darkness and heartbreak, light and love are not far behind. Tragedy and loss are often followed by touching stories of selfless sacrifice and grace. Healing might be a long time coming but it will come. For this week's pay it forward project I am going to make a donation to the Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund and I am going to do something of far greater value, I am going to pray.

Laurie

The Hard Working Carhop

      Last Friday was just one of those days. A crazy day at work. A meeting after and when I finally got home instead of looking forward to going out with my handsome husband on our newly reinstated date night, what do I do but fall asleep in the chair. Oh yeah, I'm a wild woman with the stamina of a teenager. Michael finally manages to wake me up and we head out. I was surprised that he was taking the lead. Usually I am the unofficial date night coordinator. Ah but tonight he had a plan to do something different. Things were looking up. Different is good.

      We head up to New Bern to get some ice cream. The only trouble was it was the night of the art walk which meant that it was really busy downtown. The only parking we could find was several blocks away and I am wearing those cute, not made for walking heels. I told him that walking just wasn't in the cards, so hello plan B. We head out of town away from the crowds to the Dairy Queen. Great I thought, he can get an ice cream and I can get something simple and quick to eat like a hot dog, after all I was starving. Michael orders his ice cream and the guy tells me politely that they don't serve food, only ice cream. Strike two. I said "Ok, I just want to go home and eat." Michael was not ready to give up just yet. "No," he says "let's try one more place" and he whips our little car into a Sonic.

      I love Sonic mostly because of the car hops. I feel like I'm back in the fifties or something. You remember the car hops. They are the servers that use to wear roller skates but now most of them just walk. The cost of liability insurance must have put an end to the skaters I guess. Anyway we pull up and place an order, a hotdog, a bottled water, tater tots and a chicken wrap. (Michael orders the chicken wrap. Felt guilty after the ice cream.) The lady that waited on us was the best. She was cheerful, kind and professional. Michael paid her and tipped her two bucks. We sat there in our parked car with the windows down, eating and chatting and listening to this great lady do her job. She spent the same amount of time and had the same fantastic attitude with every customer. It did not matter whether these patrons were arriving in junky no-way-I-get-a-tip-from-that-car vehicles or whether they were loud, boisterous teenagers that could not be bothered to tip at all. It did not matter, everybody got her best. She hustled, she smiled, she was simply a joy to watch. She was whipping around there like a crazy lady but I could tell she was tired. She would rest a little, just a little mind you, at each car window to catch a breather. She was not the youngest car hop working that night but she was putting her junior colleagues to shame.

      After awhile Michael and I got quiet and then we looked at each and said "You know, this is a great chance to pay it forward." Yeah, lets give this lady a decent tip. I called her back over to the window and told her what a fantastic job she was doing. "I know how hard it is to work in a busy restaurant on a Friday night. I, we, have done your job and I must say I don't think I have ever seen anyone do it better!" I looked her in the eye, grabbed her hand and placed two five dollar bills in it. "This isn't much, just ten dollars" I said, "but I want you to have it. I just want you to have a good tip tonight. I wish it could be more." She smiled a big, beautiful, genuine smile and told me that ten dollars was the best tip she got all day and it was a lot, to her. She was grateful for the money and the compliment. Michael and I both laughed as we watched her skip, yes I said skip, back into the restaurant. Michael looked at me and said "I thought I would never be able to right this ship tonight but hey, this turned out ok after all. We should do this every Friday!" Maybe we will darlin', maybe we will. :)

Laurie

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

      Everyone that will listen knows that I LOVE my job. That is no secret. Part of the reason I love it so much are my students, again no secret. The part that is not so obvious is that I also have the privilege of spending my days with some incredibly awesome coworkers. I have always had that opportunity at Tucker Creek but I have not always appreciated it to the fullest extent or even taken the time to notice just how cool some of these people really are. I have written about Ann, she is my low maintenance friend and a favorite confidant. I have written about the ridiculously fabulous Ms. Vickie who is my daily source of sunshine and I have even written about my retired friends like B. Dail and Lu. These ladies are all wonderful and I have been fortunate enough to get to know them and spend a great deal of time with them over the years. I would not trade a single one of them but this weeks blog is devoted to the newbies.

      Melissa Orr has been working at Tucker Creek for several years. She is rapidly becoming a seasoned professional and an asset to the school. She is intelligent, witty, fun, beautiful and the best research paper editor a girl could ever ask for. (And did I mention single?) :) In the short time that I have known her she has never been too busy, overwhelmed or stressed to help me out when I needed it most. When everybody else gave me an excuse, she gave me a smile and a yes. The best part of all is that she takes her payment in the form of no bake cookies. Melissa had the awful job of proctoring my comprehensive final exam for my masters a couple of weeks ago. The poor girl sat there for over six hours while I cranked out a whopping eighteen pages of I don't know what. I offered to pay her but she flatly refused. She said that the only thing she wanted was for me to have her over for dinner sometime. I thought that was the sweetest thing.  She has done so much for me and all she wanted in return was a little home cooking and a little time. That simple request spoke volumes about her character. She is an old soul and I enjoy her company immensely.

      Another favorite newbie is Denise. She is brilliant, organized and positive. She has the uncanny ability to make you feel as though you are the only other person on the planet and that what you are talking to her about in that moment is of the utmost importance. She will stop everything to listen to my latest crazy lesson plan idea or join in on my excitement about the next Junior Civitans project or the fantastic book I just read or my most recent blog. She gives you undivided attention and anyone that works with kids knows what a rare commodity that is these days. Denise took me out for ice cream the other day to celebrate the completion of my degree. It was such a kind and unexpected gesture. She made my day! I loved talking and spending time with her.

      Both these ladies supported me as I was finishing up my never ending masters work and both shared in my joy when it was finally over. Both of them have been unbelievably encouraging when it came to writing this blog especially in the beginning when my insecurities were getting the best of me. Talking to them always made me feel better. I am very grateful to have them in my life. My goal is to be the kind of friend that is deserving of such awesomeness. So for this week's pay it forward I am going to figure out ways to honor my wonderful friends. I am going to finally bake those cookies and plan those dinner parties for my Melissa and since Denise is looking for a workout partner I am going to commit to a regular fitness routine with her on a weekly basis. (Here's hoping I can keep up!) In addition I am going to come up with some other random acts of kindness to do throughout the remainder of the school year and well into the next. I am going to make a conscious effort to value and contribute to our friendships on a regular basis. With my work load lightened a bit perhaps now I will get the chance to be there for them just like they have always been there for me.

Laurie