Sometimes in life when you have been married for what seems like the better part of your existence it pays to take a step back and reexamine where you have been, where you are and where you are going. Michael and I have recently found ourselves in that very place.
I am a bit of a workaholic and he is a sweet, laid back man that would rather have a root canal than talk about his feelings. That is until recently. As a couple we found ourselves in the land of mediocrity, of just good enough, of "I guess this will do." That sense of OKness as I call it lulled us into a bit of a rut. Fortunately, we were somehow able to fight our way out and redefine what was once and has become yet again, a truly beautiful relationship.
The first step of working our way out of the rut was redefining our priorities. We took a good hard look at what we value, what are goals are and whether or not our actions and our daily routines reflected those beliefs. In my case, I am sorry to say they did not. So I did a thorough overhaul on my schedule to better suit my priorities. I have struggled with this before and continued to back slide until this summer. I think I may have finally got it right. (Raps loudly on wood.) Following his lead, I made my husband and our relationship the priority and that has made all the difference.
When someone loves you completely and unconditionally it drastically changes the way you respond to them. When they make you the priority, it makes you want to do the exact same thing. It opens up a whole new world of what a marriage could be.
Now this new outlook has created a bit of confusion for our children who look as us through the eyes of adolescence and wonder out loud what in the world is wrong with us and why we act so weird. There are the inevitable sounds of "Ew gross" when we hug or kiss in front of them and the somewhat less charming "Get a room, geez" from our delightful 18 year old. You see our kids have always been our top priority and now that the emphasis has shifted to our relationship they have a little adapting to do, and that's ok, because the best thing any parent can do for their kids is model how to be in a loving, stable relationship. We have both been guilty of letting other things, mainly life, come between us and now we are more committed than ever at correcting that obvious fault, whether the kids like it or not.
So in that vein, this week my random act of kindness took the form of a long overdue love letter to my one and only. It is my way of recommitting myself to him for another 22+ years or so. Here's a few of my corny lines:
"I adore and love you but I realize now that these are sentiments I do not share with you often enough. So this is my feeble attempt at showing you my heart and all those places in it that I feel safer having hidden.
In this marriage you have become my strength, my joy and my source of inspiration. You are my rock, my safe place to fall and my security in an otherwise shaky and ridiculous world.
When I am in your arms I feel completely and totally loved, accepted and fulfilled. You are always in my corner and the battles I fight are no longer my battles but our battles. Through your hard work, patience and dedication, you have taken our relationship to another level, one that I never would have dreamed possible. Thanks for not giving up, for never quitting and for working so hard. Thanks for your eternal patience, kindness and relentless love, even when I was anything but lovable. I want to be someone worthy of the kind of devotion and commitment that you have so selflessly shown. Most of all, I want to love you as completely, honestly and deeply as you have me.
So from this point forward, I give you nothing less than my whole heart and when my heart deceives me I give you my commitment and dedication. I choose you now and during those tough and sometimes ugly times, I choose you again. During sad and dark days, I choose you. During pain and defeat, I choose you. During joy, happiness and delight, I choose you. For life's adventures both big and small, I choose you. As my husband, my completion, my soul mate, I choose you and for the rest of my life, I choose to be your wife and to love you, always."
I am thankful for love in my life and for the ability to choose it everyday!
Laurie
