The First Law of Thermodynamics

      The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I got a surprise call, left on my phone in the middle of the night. You know the kind of call I'm talking about, the sort that everyone dreads. "Nana is very sick. She has been taken to the emergency room. We will let you know something as soon as we can." Yeah, that is almost never good. I went to work wishing that I could stay home by the phone but knowing that the distraction would be a welcome break from the constant worrying. The call came early, right after the morning rounds at the hospital. It was a heart attack. Really a series of heart attacks. They were still actively occurring and there were multiple blood clots in her lungs. I left work right away and began the nine hour trek home. I arrived well past visiting hours and was not expecting to see Nana until the following morning. I was so grateful when they let me in that evening. She was tired, confused and hurting. When we asked her where she hurt, she couldn't pinpoint it. She just didn't feel well and all she wanted to do was sleep. I got to stay with her and hold her hand. I got to tell her how much I love her and hear her say it again to me one more time. She was ready to die. There was no fear. No worry. At least on her part. 

      While I was visiting my dear grandmother, I got to experience one of the most powerful pay it forwards that I have ever seen, performed by a couple of completely imperfect, unprepared but loving individuals. Nana has two daughters, my mother Karen and my aunt Pam. Nana has not lived in her own house for the past thirteen years or so. She moved in with Mom right after she finished construction on her current home. Nana split her time between Maryland with Mom and Atlanta with Pam. The sisters made certain that she had whatever she needed, wherever she was. In return Nana was always helping out by doing the grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, ironing or cleaning. Nana always reminded me of the trains in that Thomas the Tank Engine cartoon that my kids made me watch like a gazillion times when they were little. She always wanted to be a "really useful engine." When Nana finally had to give up driving, it just about killed her. She didn't feel like she could affectively contribute anymore. She loved going to the grocery store and now she could not do that without relying on someone to take her and that just wasn't her style. 

      Nana's slow deterioration was painful to watch. Alzheimer's was taking its toll. This past year was the hardest. She would ask us all again and again how old we were and she would get the great grands confused. She had this crazy herding tendency. She wouldn't rest until everyone was corralled at home and everyone was safe. Unfortunately for my Mom and Pam that meant that she needed to know about every short trip out of the room, not that she would remember once they told her. It must have been very scary for her and extremely frustrating for them. 

      The sisters have endured years and years of Alzheimer's and tried their best to love Nana through it. It meant a great many sacrifices on their parts but I never once heard either of them complain. As I watched them tend to her and sit with her around the clock at the hospital I thought of how lucky she was to have raised such great daughters that would put their lives on hold to be with their ailing mother. They were both tired and stressed but they never let Nana know it. They did her nails, brushed her hair and fed her. All I could think of while I was there was how lucky Nana was to have them. How much they loved each other was apparent to everyone, the nurses, the relatives, the visitors. 

      Unfortunately the worst was yet to come. Nana did not die from the heart attacks or the blood clots but she was left unable to do even the simplest of tasks and the sisters faced the excruciating decision of putting her in a nursing home at least for the time being. It broke their hearts. They set about making her room as much like home as possible. They moved in her favorite chair, got her a bedspread for the bed and added touches from home. They just don't know what tomorrow might bring, but they are prepared to love her through it, whatever it is, no matter what.

      The first law of thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created or destroyed it only changes form. Nana told me that her mother Mary came to visit her one night while she was at the hospital. I smiled thinking how great it was that love never really dies either, like other forms of energy it simply undergoes its own type of transformation, from mother to daughter and back again.

      I am grateful for the beautiful lesson of love that I saw demonstrated by two equally beautiful women. Thanks to my mom and my aunt for taking such great care of my Nana. I pray that one day I will be able to return the favor on her behalf. 

Laurie

The Reversal

      A couple of weekends ago my family and I experienced a reverse pay it forward. That's right, this time we were the recipients of a good deed. Let me explain. We live near the water and we own a small boat that had been having a few minor issues lately. It is relatively new but it was suffering from lack of water time and as any boat owner can tell you, they run better when they are run often. Well due to circumstances beyond our control, Michael and I have been unable to take this little beauty out as frequently as we would like, so she is copping a bit of an attitude. When we took her out earlier this summer we noticed a strange sound in the engine so we brought her to the mechanic just to play it safe. He said everything was fine so when Michael, Maddie, and I decided to take it out for a short Sunday excursion we felt pretty confident that she would be up for the task. Fortunately we decided not to go out too far, just in case. 

      We had the boat out on the Neuse River and as we were turning to head in, it just died. The motor sputtered a little, let out a short cough and just like that, she was done. We were left to the mercy of the current in the big river that was taking us further and further away from home. Alright, I thought, I can use some down time. We will just hang out here with two scared little dogs, in the hot sun while a couple of extremely ominous storm clouds begin to take shape simultaneously off in the distance until we can find someone to come get us. No problem, yeah right! Who wants to spend their Sunday afternoon wandering out in a storm on the water to tow some helpless folks back to shore? Michael perused his contacts list on his phone and called a good friend of ours who has a boat and told him about the problem. Our friend's name is Rodney. He offered to drop what he was doing and put in his boat to come out and get us. Now I am sure that was not how he planned on spending his day but he did it anyway. No questions asked. No complaining. No trouble.

      It didn't matter that we hadn't talked in awhile or that I regularly fail to recognize him in his beefed up pickup truck as he passes my little mouse mobile waving energetically. It was of no concern to him that we may never be able to pay him back in that the likelihood of both our boat running and us being anywhere in the vicinity of the waterway at the same time that he might have a similar crisis must be astronomical. With our current schedules and luck the poor man would have a better chance at winning the lottery. No, none of that seemed to phase him. He refused payment several times as did his son. The only thing I could get them to consider accepting was a homemade pie. When I mentioned lemon meringue Rodney said "Now your are talking."

     I have never lived anywhere in which we have had the privilege of having such awesome friends. We have no family here, no close relatives nearby but we have always, always found help when we needed it. I feel very blessed by the people in this community that I call friends. I can't begin to count the number of folks that live right in this neighborhood that have been there for us through the years. Never once would they accept any form of reimbursement. Time and time again I hear the same sentiment. "We don't take payment from friends." 

     Well, Mr. Rodney, this time you are taking payment because I am bringing you a pie this weekend. I cannot be held responsible if the teenagers get to it before you do but I am honoring my part of the bargain, and should you happen to read this please know that I was never so happy to see anyone as I was to see you and your son on that Sunday afternoon. We can never thank you enough for being such awesome, thoughtful and kind neighbors! You have made us all feel very blessed. Thank you for your help and here's hoping we can return the favor one day. Until then, enjoy the pie! 

Laurie 

Sometimes It's Just Too Easy

     This past weekend was a busy one. It was the tax free weekend in North Carolina. It is the traditional school shopping weekend at our house for that very reason. Maddie bought her computer for college and Colton and I went shopping for his clothes, which he seems to outgrow almost weekly.

      Now when it comes to clothes shopping Colt is a bit of a divo, well sort of. The only place he will buy his clothes is JC Penney. Yeah, I know. Anyway, without JCP the boy would go around naked, so off we went to his favorite store. We gathered up a pretty impressive stack of clothes and drug them to the crowded dressing room. You know it is tax free weekend when even the guys dressing room is nearing capacity. Anyway, as I stood patiently waiting for Colt to try on his clothes, I engaged in one of my absolute favorite pastimes, people watching.

      I happened to notice another mom and her son working their way through the men's section and stopping occasionally to browse through the endless array of racks. The son was selecting items and the mom was looking at the price tags, shaking her head and putting them back. Every now and then they seemed to agree on something and she added it to her pile. They made their way past me and I turned my gaze to the next set of mother/son pairs many of which exhibited a similar shopping pattern. I felt kind of ashamed. Here I was just recently complaining about my station in life and right in front of me were so many folks obviously worse off than I was with their own set of trials and battles to fight.

      As Colt and I made our way to the check out counter with our arms full of new school clothes, I said a short prayer of thanks for the ability to buy these things for my son. I took out my credit card and a coupon that I had saved and gave them to the cashier. She smiled and said "This coupon is a good one. You can use it as much as you like in the next 24 hours and you can choose between 15% or $10 off your purchase whichever works out best." I smiled, grateful for a small break to my budget. It's a shame I won't be back tomorrow, I thought. Then who should appear next to me at the check out but one of the mothers that I had observed earlier and her son. I grinned, thinking sometimes this pay it forward thing is just too easy. "Do you have a coupon?" I asked her. "No." She responded. I said, "Would you like one?" As Colt and I walked out the door, he looked at me and said, "That was cool, Mom." Yeah, I thought, that kind of was. :)

Laurie